Unless you’re completely out of touch with popular culture, you’ve likely heard of Tinder, the dating app that was initially reputed to be for hookups, but has segued into a little bit of everything, even some long-term romances. We decided to explore the best of Tinder, and the results were all over the place.

With all of the hysterical material flooding in at the press of a key, we couldn’t resist sharing with readers the far-reaching results that came up. So, grab yourselves a latte or a plain cup of Joe and settle in for the jaw-droppers that follow. Just try not to blow coffee out your nose at some of these. Ready, set, go!

Best of Tinder

Best of Tinder Openers

On Reddit’s Tinder subreddit, users to the thought-sharing and aggregation site contributed to some fabulously ridiculous openers Tinder members have used to get the conversation rolling. There’s got to be a tremendous amount of swiping left going on there. Here are 10 openers to discussions that show the breadth of awkwardness that thrives in online dating.

Opener #1

  • Opener: “I’ll be honest, I’m on here looking for someone to have fun with.”
  • Reply: “I’ll be honest, you look like a sick child.”
  • Opener: “Then consider this my Make a Wish.”

Opener #2

  • Opener: “Did you get your tickets?”
  • Reply: “Oh no. I’ve seen the gun show. It’s not that great.”
  • Opener: “No, to my public trial. I’m going to jail.”
  • Reply: “ I was not expecting.”
  • Opener: “Yeah, it was kind of for animal cruelty for having these sick pythons (emojis of flexed arms with bulging biceps inserted).”
  • Reply: “Oh god.”

Opener #3

  • Opener: “I have never seen a dog look as happy as the one you are hugging in your photo.”
  • Reply: “I put him to sleep right after that photo (crying emoji inserted).”

Opener #4

  • Opener: “If you never set the bar low, how do you ever expect to win at limbo?”
  • Reply: “What do you mean?
  • Opener: “Limbo? Like the game where you shimmy under progressively lower bars.”
  • Reply: “Oh yeah.”
  • Opener: “Hmm, not a diehard fan of classical sports then, huh? What are you passionate about?
  • Reply: “Music.”
  • Opener: “Any specific genre, or just music in general?
  • Reply: “ Good.”
  • Opener: “How interested are you with music from the African desert? I would think you’d like it, given how dry you’ve made this conversation.”

Opener #5

  • Opener: “Tell me something interesting.”
  • Reply: “A group of baboons is called a congress (smiley face emoji inserted).”
  • Opener: “I meant about yourself.”

Best of Tinder Profiles

Opener #6

  • Opener: “I’m vegan too!” Reply: “No way?!
  • Opener: “ That’s why I swiped right.”
  • Reply: “Haha, that’s amazing! How long have you been vegan for?”
  • Opener: “Start of this conversation.”

Opener #7

  • Opener: “Hey, how funny is it that we matched. I didn’t think I’d see you again.”
  • Reply: “We’ve met?”
  • Opener: “Haha, do you not remember drunkenly walking into my dorm?”
  • Reply: “No I do not…When was this? (crying emoji inserted)”
  • Opener: “Next weekend
  • Reply: “Smooth

Opener #8

  • Opener: “Hello Miss Katie. I’d like to make you my sub.”
  • Reply: “I’d love to hit you in your face with my $5 footlong.

Opener #9

  • Opener: “Hey my name is Mark but most people call me no thank you.”
  • Reply: “Oh my (laughing emoji inserted).”
  • Opener: “If you don’t like that nick-name you can just call me titanic. Cause I’m not very good at breaking the ice and it all goes down from there.”
  • Reply: “Please keep going this is my kind of conversation.

Opener #10

  • Opener: “Are you pro turtle?”
  • Reply: “Excuse me?”
  • Opener: “Sorry autocorrect is weird I meant to say WUDDUUUUP

Best of Tinder Profiles

Tinder users have a sense of humor, as evidenced by the outrageous content posted in the “About” sections of their profiles. The hooks are apparently working because members are still swiping right on them. Here are 10 of the best Tinder “About” posts on the internet.

The Best Tinder Profiles

Brittany, 25

Congratulations, you’ve stumbled across my profile! Which means you have excellent taste and you’re going to meet your future wife, BUT IT WON’T BE ME. Why? Because I am the one before the one. We’ll exchange some texts and go on a few great dates, and then BAM you’ll meet your future Mrs. I don’t know how or why, however I’ve been bestowed this gift of being an involuntary matchmaker, without ever meeting the person I set you up with. Cheers!” 

Sydney, 24

The only reason I want a boyfriend is so that when I’m singing Fergilicious and it’s at the part where she says “I be up in the gym workin on my fitness he’s my witness” I can point to him and he’ll do the little “wooOOH” part because right now I have to do both parts by myself and it’s stressful because right after the wooOOH part I have to get right back into rapping and the transition is harder than you think.” 

Samantha, 21

I want to do adult things with you. *whispers* taxes, *panting softly* pay the mortgage, *moans* make sure we turned off all the lights, our utility bill was #*@%ing $300 this month.” 

Best of Tinder

Pete, 41

Things you need to know about me. First off, if we go out, you’re paying. Not just for me, but for my wife if she shows up. And she’s a drinker. Sex isn’t guaranteed after that. If I’m interested, I’ll place my underpants on the table. Fold them in three and place in your handbag. Return them washed, and we will consummate passionately. I dislike women who aren’t shallow. A plus if you wear my mom’s perfume and fit perfectly in the void she left. I’m 6foot&4inches. Those are 2 measurements.” Pete’s got a pretty twisted sense of humor…

Dustin, 21

Well I’m a fat %*@# with a big truck. If we can’t get a get greasy burger than we won’t work. I’m 21 years old, but don’t let that fool you, I have no social life like I’m 40. If my truck doesn’t impress you my personality probably won’t either. Welcome to the s#!t show!”

Maanow, 22

I’m Thai so if you send me a #*@k pic I might send you one back.” 

James, 33

I like long walks on the beach with my girlfriend, until the LSD wears off and I realize I’m just dragging a stolen mannequin around a Wendy’s parking lot.”

Nicole, 27

I’m looking for a guy who is really trusting and healthy. You must have both kidneys, nonsmoker, and not be a big drinker or take any drugs that could damage the liver… Type O negative blood a plus!” Sounds as if Nicole is searching for an organ donor.

Best of Tinder

Vanessa, 19

If what you look for is a girl with personality, then you’re in luck because I have multiple – Don’t listen to her.”

Victoria, 25

On the topic of nude pics: I just want to remind everyone of a little movie called TITANIC…a girl in 1912 has her naked body drawn in a sketchbook by a random dude that no one’s ever heard of, locks the drawing in a safe on a boat, the BOAT SINKS, and her nude picture STILL ends up on television 84 years later. No one is safe”. Good point.

Best of Tinder Pickup Lines

Yes, they’re every bit as bad as you imagined, if not worse. Cheesy? Of course. Raunchy? Undoubtedly. Do they work? Sadly, in many cases, yes. These are some of the best of the worst Tinder pickup lines of all time.

Pickup Line #1

  • Q. “Hey are you an ideal amount of red phosphorus and am i a proportioned tiny wooden stick?
  • A. “How did you know 😉 haha
  • Q. “because were a match
  • A. “Hahaha! Good one!
  • Q. “i want to die
  • A. “Explain?….

Pickup Line #2

  • Q. “Do you know what the doctor told me?”
  • A. “go on, tell me.
  • Q. “I’m lacking a bit of vitamin u.
  • A. “hahha, smooth.
  • Q. “Do you want to vitamin c me and I’ll give you the vitamin d?
  • A. “aren’t I the lucky one?

Pickup Line #3

  • Q. “What’s the best pickup line you’ve ever heard Jasmine?”
  • A. “I haven’t heard any good ones honestly.”
  • Q. “Damn can I try and change that?”
  • A. “Be my guest.”
  • Q. “I would like to take a ride on your magic carpet Princess Jasmine.

Pickup Line #4

Best of Tinder Pickup Lines

  • Q. “Hey are you a bank loan cuz you have my interest. If u were a vegetable you’d be a cutecumber. Or are u a banana cuz I find you a-peeling.”
  • A. “Are you retarded?”
  • Q. “That really hurts.

Pickup Line #5

  • Q. “Do you like whales?”
  • A. “Heck yeah I do.”
  • Q. “How about we hump back at my place?”

Pickup Line #6

  • Q. “Imagine this. We are both strangers in a grocery store but we will somehow make eye contact in the produce section. My hands are full of limes and I am unable to hold all of them. Limes are falling all over the ground. Rolling left, right and just all over. You rush over in an effort to help and I look deep into your eyes and say, sorry I’m bad at pickup limes.”
  • A. “If we’re being honest, I’m not nice enough to help people in grocery stores.”

Pickup Line #7

  • Q. “Hey, beautiful, are you a toaster strudel? Cuz I wanna cover you in my icing. Tryna hook up sometime?”
  • A. “With that line, not really.”
  • Q. “Oof. It’s all fun n games til someone’s feelings get hurt.

Pickup Line #8

  • Q. “If we ever got together there would be no TARYN us apart.
  • A. “That pickup line just did.
  • Q. “@%!&. Got to admit not my best work.”
  • Taryn is, of course, the name of the woman who received the message. And she’s right. It is a terrible pun.

Pickup Line #9

  • Q. “Do you have any raisins?
  • A. “Yeah. Plenty.”
  • Q. “You ruined my pickup line.”
  • A. “Oh my bad. Ask me again.
  • Q. “Do you have any raisins?
  • A. “No.”
  • Q. “Well how about a date?
  • A. “No.”
  • Q. “You ruined my pickup line.”

Pickup Line #10

  • Q. “Do you like pickup lines?”
  • A. “Who doesn’t?”
  • Q. “Girl is your dad in jail because if I was your dad I would definitely be in jail.”
  • A. “Dude…No. (crossed emoji inserted).”
  • Q. “You think it needs some work?” Epic fail!

Best of Tinder Romance Conversations

Rotten puns, horrible pickup lines, and crazy profile bios aside, there are some relatively normal and rather sweet conversations that take place between Tinder users. Many of them still contain humor while representing real romance.

Here are some examples of those exchanges.

Best of Tinder Romantic Conversations

Romance Conversations #1

“I don’t know who you are. I don’t know what you want. If you are looking for a hook up, I can tell you I do not want that. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills, skills that I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a delight for people like you. If you hate my icebreaker, that’ll be the end of it. I will not look for you. I will not pursue you. But if you do, I may ask you for coffee.”

A very clever take on the film “Taken,” this one’s a winner.

Romance Conversations #2

  • Q. “Pancakes or waffles?”
  • A. “Waffles.”
  • Q. “Eggs or bacon?
  • A. “Can I have both? One egg and one slice of bacon.
  • Q. “Good answer. Final question, coffee or tea?
  • A. “Coffee in the morning, tea at night.”
  • Q. “Congratulations! Your application to be (name redacted) future ex-wife has successfully been submitted. Press 0 to be disconnected, or enter your phone number now to continue.”
  • A. “Lmao, you’re funny!
  • Q. “Command not recognized. Please try again. Press 0 to be disconnected or enter your phone number to continue.
  • She entered her number.

Romance Conversations #3

  • Q. “Would you rather me hit on you, make a bad joke, or attempt a sensible conversation?
  • A. “I’d like to see you attempt all three in only one sentence.”
  • Q. “Damn gurl, you’re finer than the constitutional lines that are constantly being crossed by our modern-day political system.”

Well played.

Romance Conversations #4

Has anyone ever told you that you resemble an ancient Greek goddess, only more vibrant and with prettier eyes?”

Romance Conversations #5

  • Opener: “Hello *pretends to be a waiter*. Here’s your icebreaker garnished with awkwardness.”
  • Reply: “*um sorry, that was not my order* (crying emoji inserted).”
  • Opener: “Damn it! Obviously I am not good at being a waiter. Well I may provide compensation by indulging in a conversation.
  • Reply: “That’d be nice.”

Romance Conversations #6

  • Q. “Sup?
  • A. “Got a midterm later.”
  • Q. “Umm, I’m writing a paper for a university assignment. It’s on the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen before. I was wondering if I could interview you??
  • Corny? You bet. Did it work? Absolutely.

Best of Tinder Romantic Conversations

Romance Conversations #7

  • Opener: “You’re killing me with that smile.”
  • Reply: “I can’t do jail time.”
  • Opener: “Or you could just do time with me.”
  • Reply: “Mmm, this could be arranged.”

Romance Conversations #8

  • Will you be the Harry to my Meghan?
  • A. “Will you?
  • Q. “Yes.
  • A. “The offer is only til this Sunday. Can we go to Vegas for the wedding or London itself? Next to Windsor castle.
  • Q. “I’m afraid it’s Windsor castle or the wedding’s off!
  • A. “What abt St Paul’s cathedral?
  • Q. “Yeah sure why not.”
  • A. “Any plans for the weekend? Of course apart from the wedding? (smiling emoji inserted)”

Romance Conversations #9

  • Opener: “Tonight I’ll spend my time writing lines to use to win your heart. Tomorrow I’ll wake up thinking how I ever made it without you, no longer can we be apart.”
  • Reply: “When you say such sweet things my heart burns like a cinder. And yet, I bet you say that to all the girls on Tinder.”
  • Opener: “You could make my night. Fill it with intentions that aren’t right. Shoot for the moon and land in the stars. Only to be right where you are.”
  • Reply: “You’re a clever soul, that much is clear. As a matter of fact, you’ve got me intrigued, my dear. But show me your heart, show me what’s true, then maybe you’d catch me as I’m falling for you.” A couple of poets at heart.

Romance Conversations #10

  • Q. “Are you a good cuddler? I might let you join my gang.”
  • A. “Really? Yeah, put me down. I might make the cut.”

Want More?

While most Tinder conversations are a lot more explicit than these, there are enough gems out there to keep you occupied for hours, if not days on end. And when you finally wear yourself out, you can always try any of the Damn You Auto Correct threads for more belly laughs. Thank goodness for technology and human foibles.