Let’s face it ladies – many of the romance novels that we read simply would lack substance if you could not define alpha male traits. These traits serve as the leading motivators in the male protagonist’s character.

When reading a romance, an alpha male is a sexy relentless male – someone who does not normally appear in real life, especially when we are seeking the ideal match.

alpha male and beta guys

Why the Alpha Male Is Considered Romantic

When you define alpha male archetypes in romance books, you are classifying masculinity in the form of dukes, vampires, billionaires, cowboys, and rogues – men who are impenetrable, unfeeling, cold, or angry.

One day, however, those traits dissolve, and romance trumps any feelings of hate. Otherwise, you would not see a happy-after-ever ending.

No matter what happens throughout the course of a romance novel, the alpha male’s characteristics will triumph – he will win the woman he loves and they will live in marital bliss. Ecstasy and happiness are both fulfilled in the end.

how to define the alpha male

A hard-to-read alpha always plays the hero. While he does not outwardly show it, his character gives to the less fortunate. You will not find out that fact until your get further along in your reading.

At this point, women discover that the hero merely conveys an aggressive and masculine façade. He becomes the ideal male mate when he falls for the woman of his dreams.

The Transformation of a Hard Exterior

That’s because this fictional hero will put up with his dream woman’s dysfunctional family, give up stuff to see her happy, and even sell his business to see the love of his life succeed. At this juncture, he transforms from alpha male to a loving and self-respecting male feminist.

The real fantasy happens when you define alpha male traits in the main character and see his unanticipated kind and benevolent side. If you can turn that hard-core male exterior and disposition into mush, you have succeeded in also getting the man of your dreams.

Women love to see the sexy alpha become subservient and suddenly find that his alpha traits do not empower him. Those traits do not give him an advantage when it comes to loving one special person.

When you define alpha male characteristics in the animal kingdom, you are defining a male that ranks the highest in dominance. Dictionaries often define the alpha male as a male who is protective, controlling, and successful – a leading man in his field.

traits of an alpha male

How Men See the Alpha Male

When men define alpha male traits in-depth, they typically come up with the following list:

1. The alpha man is a persistent man.

They will not quit. Alpha males are the proverbial tortoise – not the hare. He is victorious because he keeps going – he will not give up.

2. The alpha man is a defender.

He knows how to use his fists – mentally and physically.

3. The alpha man is both athletic and strong.

He is always aesthetically pleasing to view.

4. The alpha man is brave.

He may know fear; however, he does not turn his back on it but faces it.

5. The alpha man laughs.

He conveys a sense of humor and is good at telling a story.

6. The alpha male has lived life.

With life, comes living and with living comes stories to share. He always finds humor in some of the errors he’s made. He can always share stores about personal and unusual adventures.

characteristics of an alpha male

7. The alpha man can never be a put down.

He knows how to laugh at himself and is impervious to anyone making fun of him.

8. The alpha man possesses humility.

Because he can laugh at himself and be humble, he can make sacrifices or realize success without it going to his head.

9. The alpha man is typically well-educated.

He possesses a thirst and hunger for knowledge. In turn, he can relate to many people from all kinds of backgrounds.

10. The alpha man is always a man’s man.

Most guys like him and want to drink a beer with him. His toughness and quiet manner make him someone you cannot help but respect.

11. The alpha man chooses his words carefully.

He only says something when he has something of value to say. He is the tall, dark, and silent type – he is never the loudest person at a gathering.

12. The alpha man will not pick fights but ends them.

He is not considered a bully and only fights when the situation calls for it. An alpha male will fight to defend – not to destroy.

Idealizing the Alpha Male – How It Happens

When you use the above list to define alpha male traits, it is easy to see why men admire this type of chivalry. While women are attracted to it romantically, men find it admirable in a different way. Men who want to be alpha males want to lead by example.

dating an alpha male

Alpha Man vs. Beta Guy

When you define alpha male characteristics for dating, however, you need to find out the reasons why it may be better for women to find a beta guy. The following reasons give women the “whys” beta males may be a safer choice.

1. Beta males do not feel threatened.

A beta guy is secure about himself. He rarely gets jealous or competes with other males for a woman’s affection. Women do not need to ask their beta boyfriends or spouses if it is okay to spend time with a close friend.

2. Beta males are trustworthy.

If you cannot build trust with another person, you cannot be your true self, nor be true to yourself. A beta male will know you better than other people. When he gets acquainted with you, you will almost think he is psychic. He connects with your fears, weaknesses, or defects. He never uses vulnerability as a weapon against a lady. A deeper connection is made the more you reveal yourself.

3. A beta male—not the alpha male—is quietly confident.

The alpha’s male self-assuredness is normally used to conceal any insecurities. A beta male is available emotionally. He will not dash away at the first sign you need to shoulder to lean on. Therefore, the beta male can be strong when you need for him to be.

4. The beta male respects a woman and treats her nicely.

A beta male will tell you that you are beautiful, even if you are wearing no makeup. They can celebrate your successes without feeling threatened or jealous. They always encourage a woman to do what she loves best.

This shows why women—at least when reading romance books—are attracted to alpha males. True love begins and a happily-after-ending ensues when they turn their alpha man into a beta man.

5. Beta men do not need to control.

A beta man does not need to be in control or take part in a struggle for power. Beta guys want you to be yourself – they love unconditionally.

alpba male vs. beta guy

6. Beta men are good fathers.

Beta men like to serve as role models for their children. They teach their sons that it is okay to cry. Sons and daughters of beta men reflect, in their personalities, the best traits of their father.

7. Beta men are not afraid to show their vulnerable side.

They face tough times and admit to the errors they make. They learn from their mistakes.

Turning to the Beta Male as a Dating Choice

The above list of beta traits should lead women to reconsider their dating choices. If you are a woman who wants to find a love that will last – one that does not hurt, you may want to find a beta guy and allow him to demonstrate what he has to offer.

When you define alpha male traits today, you might consider the beta man the new alpha for single women. After all, those classic alphas often suddenly disappear.

beta male vs. alpha

What Happened? He Disappeared!

Review the following scenario.

You are a woman who has been dating a classic male alpha – a powerful and executive business man. He always gives you a hopeful feeling – a feeling that just about anything can happen. You have started picturing yourself with him in the future – as husband and wife. You have shared your excitement about the man with your family and friends. You even daydream about him – about traveling with him and spending holidays with him.

Did He Really Mean What He Said?

When you are feeling this way, you think he is feeling the same way too. After all, he told you that you are sexy and beautiful and mentioned some of the exotic locales that he would like to visit with you. He even shared his visions of having a family – someday.

Is he as into you as you are into him? Think again. Things are not all that clear-cut in real life with a traditional alpha male – at least when you define alpha male traits, and define them outside a romantic story.

Suddenly the Phone Line Goes Dead

That man of your dreams suddenly, one day, disappears – poof! He vanishes into thin air. At first, you may have believed that you may have miscommunicated something – maybe you read something wrong. He said he would call, but you have not heard from him – day one, day two, day three – no calls.

You think that maybe he got involved with something really important or he could be having a tough week. Perhaps something put him in a bad mood. While you try to stay calm on the outside, you are feeling emotionally vulnerable inside. Everything seemed perfect – emphasis on seemed.

You then decide to take chance an send him a short email – ask if everything is okay. One day, a small ray of hope – he answers your email – says he’ll call soon. However, just like the other promised calls – that call is never made.

Real Life Is a Different Story

The disappearing act is one of the most common dating issues that women experience in the world of dating. This type of behavior is exhibited by the alpha male – not the beta guy who is always there. While alpha men really want the women they fall in love with in romance novels, real life is a different story – entirely.

how to define alpha male couples

A Woman for an Alpha Male

Don’t make the following mistakes if you are attracted to an alpha type.

1. Don’t believe what attracts you to him is what attracts him to you.

What you are seeking in a man may not be what he wants in you. That is because any man—beta or alpha—does not care that you are smart, successful, cultured, or well-traveled. Usually, a man wants from a woman what he cannot attain from his men friends.

It does not matter if you are beautiful and intelligent. If you cannot make him regularly feel good when he is with you, he will move onto someone who does.

2. Stop being proactive.

Men like to win women over by calling them and asking them out. They like to pay for dates (really) and initiate things – the relationship and sex. What happens if you reverse the order? He stops being attracted to you.

While that may sound like the scenario of a 50’s housewife and love affair, it’s not quite like that. By not being proactive, it just means you want the guy to be attracted to you. Being proactive will drive him away – cause him to vanish – poof!

Let the guy actively pursue you. Don’t push a man for a date or commitment. Whether he is an alpha or a beta, he will continue to stay with you.

3. Stop worrying about getting hurt – again.

Learn to have fun on your dates with your traditional or new alpha (beta) male. Don’t suspect him of being a player. Let him reveal himself over time.

That means you cannot ask probing questions – looking for any chinks in the exterior armor. Also, don’t ask about where the relationship is headed after a second or third date. Just be yourself and have fun. Every good thing takes time.

While men are conditioned to think that defining alpha male traits in themselves is a good way to win dates, that is not always the case. Being an alpha man does not define being a modern man. Modern men can admit when they are wrong or find activities that you both like to do.

what is an alpha male

Better Ways to Connect

Some ways traditional alpha and new alpha (beta) men can create a pleasant connection is to do the following:

  • Play a board game, like monopoly (don’t choose Battle Ship – you don’t want to spark too much controversy).
  • Go out dancing – dancing brings people closer together – romantically and emotionally.
  • Plan a movie evening together.
  • Cook for each other or cook together.
  • Carve pumpkins or decorate a Christmas tree.

You don’t want to define alpha male characteristics that turn a relationship into a dictatorship. Women like the part of the romance novel when the alpha male becomes soft – forgiving, caring, and totally in love.

Why a Beta Guy Is Better

When it comes to real life, women have to look at the alpha male of the romance as a fantasy – as an escape. Knowing a guy that is the new alpha or a beta man certainly has its benefits. These benefits are listed below:

1. He cares about pleasing you in bed.

He does not have to throw you down, ravage you, and believe he is giving you one of the best nights ever. Sometimes that extra confidence can cause problems in the bedroom.

2. It’s not just about sex.

The traditional alpha male may be a lover, but does he have the qualities you want outside the bedroom? How about a guy who will watch movies with you – who will cuddle and spend quality time?

3. The beta male’s interests go beyond himself.

While an alpha male may be complimented for his charismatic appeal and good looks, the beta man spends life finding creative activities to keep him busy. The beta guy or new alpha male can keep things interesting, starting with the first date.

beta guy vs. alpha male

4. He’s always dependable.

A beta male who cares about you wants to be with you – not just have sex.

5. He won’t take little things for granted.

Traditional alpha males usually do not possess a high attention to detail. They like to see the big picture instead. The beta guy, however, can tell when you have taken extra care to make something pleasant. That means he will notice those reminders attached to the phone or the small gifts you send to him every once in a while.

6. He is not scared to commit.

You already know many men disappear when they feel they have to commit. Beta males like to find that special someone and begin a life with her. This is not what the traditional alpha male seeks. You will have to tread carefully if you don’t want the traditional alpha male to feel tied down.

7. Communication is easier.

Beta males will listen to your fears or hopes while the traditional alpha male may not want to lend an ear – communication is not always the alpha male’s strong suit.

8. Trust builds over time.

With a beta male, you can find true happiness, as you are free to be your true self.

Final Thoughts

While women may be drawn to the enigmatic alpha male and define alpha male traits as sexy in romance novels, real life is a different story. If you are a woman seeking a man, you may want to turn your thoughts to finding a beta man. In real life, that is how you will find a happy ending to romance.