Developing the courage to talk to new people can be a big challenge and even terrifying in many ways. The challenge is even more difficult when the person is a pretty damsel that you want to strike a conversation with the hopes of earning a date.
If you’re trying to figure out how to approach a girl, you’re in the right place.
Luckily for you though, there are ways you can reduce your fear of rejection and increase your chances of making a great impression.
With the simple tips below, you will be well on your way to understanding how to approach a girl in hopes of wowing her.
1. Be Chill
The least chill thing in the entire universe is approaching strangers. This is because you’re interrupting someone’s day-to-day activities with no guarantee of a good outcome and it can be an unnerving experience.
We understand that you’re nervous when trying to figure out how to approach a girl, but try as much as possible to resist the urge to approach with some corny gimmick as though you’re a salesman going door-to-door to market his products.
According to a 2017 research published in the Journal of Alzheimer’s Disease, women have more active brains than men especially when it comes to sensing things such as BS from guys.
Call it women’s intuition or whatever you want, but it is not important not to be disingenuous or overuse the best pick-up lines. She will sense your nervousness and lack of sincerity.
Ask yourself this question before you approach her: ‘How would I want to be approached by a stranger?’ Relax!
Be normal. Be chill. Be confident.
You can pretend as if you are talking to an old schoolmate you haven’t seen in years. Instead of hitting on her with aggressive compliments, you can ask her opinion on that hat the bartender is wearing.
This will naturally create a rapport and then strike a pleasant conversation. Another suggestion is use kindness.
For example, if that girl is sitting in a courtyard or outside of a coffee shop adjacent to a grocery store sipping an ice tea, perhaps you want to walk over and hand her a rose you picked out in the grocery store.
Maybe hand her your business card also or strike up a nice conversation. Even if it goes nowhere, you would have made her day by the kind act.
2. Look for Go Signals
Before you worry about what to do or say when you see that pretty girl you admire, you need to understand when to approach her. Oftentimes, understanding when to approach a girl can mean the difference between winning a date and being ignored or shot down altogether.
Below are some examples of when to and when NOT to approach a girl:
- Approach her if she is standing/sitting and looks relaxed. Our experience with ladies showed that those that have a positive mood and show open body language are more willing to have conservation.
- Avoid approaching her if she is deeply preoccupied with something. You won’t make a good first impression if you interrupt her. For example if she is on a phone call, don’t try to go up to her until she has finished the call and looks relaxed and open to you.
- Approach her if you notice that she is sending several glances or smiles your way. If this is the case, chances are that she is interested in you and expects you to strike a conversation.
- Avoid approaching her if she appears upset. If she is having a bad day or had a bad day, chances are that she won’t respond positively to a stranger’s pleasantries.
3. Keep It Low Stakes
Even though you’ve spotted a girl you admire and you are convinced that this is the perfect time to take a shot, remember, there will always be another day, another pretty babe, and another chance to take a shot at true love.
Do not approach a girl as if it’s a do-or-die affair. Also be aware that women are always evaluating the possibility of a threat from strange men, so any intense come-ons will not be well received.
Avoid the temptation of asking for her for phone number right away – girls are usually not comfortable giving out their personal information to strangers.
Start the conversation small by asking her politely if you can offer to buy her a drink and add a disclaimer like, “if not, no worries.”
Adding such disclaimer will portray to her that you are not a serial killer (always a good thing!). So, instead of taking her phone number, you might want to give her yours.
Another great trick is the “walk-away.” By walking away, we mean; you can tell her “Hey, you seem really cool. If you’d like a drink later, I’ll be by the bar” and walk off.
This is a perfect move because the ball is now in her court. Now, she would be the one to find you since it have been established that you’re not going to be creepy. Listen! The less creepy and pushy you appear, the better she will feel about engaging with you.
4. Create an Instant Connection with Your Eyes
Have you ever wondered how the guys that are pro in this game create their magic? We want to categorically tell you now that creating an instant connection with your eyes is one of the “codes” in their arsenal.
Immediately as you approach a girl for the first time, it is important to make eye contact. Making eye contact is important for two reasons:
- It shows you have confidence
- It creates a sense of closeness.
According to Kelly Campbell of the California State University, “researchers have found that the ‘bonding’ or ‘love’ hormone of oxytocin gets released during prolonged eye contact.
This is the same hormone that gets released when mothers breastfeed and gaze into the eyes of their infant.”
Even though the amount of oxytocin generated may not be sufficient to create any strong feelings of closeness, it sure will establish a sense of trust with the girl you are talking to, hence; making her more willing to continue the conversation.
Have you ever noticed that most guys who can walk up to any girl to strike a conversation have one common trait? That is confidence.
But one thing you may not realize is that most of these guys faked that confidence until they became master. You don’t have to FEEL confident to ACT confident.
If you want to learn how to approach a girl, one of the greatest ways to display confidence is to walk tall. Having a manly gait about your walk and standing up straight will tell her you’re a confident and secure man.
You can copy masculinity icons such as Humphrey Bogart or Clint Eastwood when you get started. When you approach a girl this way, you’ve shown confidence, and that will make the next steps easier and you are on your way to getting the girl to like you.
How To Gain Confidence
We recommend you practice your approach at home or with friends before you head out to meet a girl.
Actually becoming confident can take years, so you’ve got to hone your approach until it becomes natural. And before it becomes natural, you may face awkward moments. It’s ok to feel a little awkward as long as you don’t show it.
There’s always a learning curve, so no matter what happens if you keep honing your skills and acting confident, that confidence will eventually become second nature to you.
6. Approach Immediately
Once a girl notices you, it is important to approach her immediately. You will know when she notices you by her repeated glances at you, or from her making eye contact with you for sustained periods of time. This is her non-verbal cue that she wants you to approach her.
Wasting time would might make the situation more awkward. Timing is everything. Take a deep breath, pull yourself together and walk over with calm confidence.
We understand the fact that rejection can be a difficult thing to deal with, but remember that you are not going to win a lottery without buying a ticket. So you must try, regardless of the outcome.
Your goal in approaching her is of course to strike a conversation, spark interest, and have her to talk more with you. Isn’t it? Ultimately, you want to ask the girl out.
Think About Business…
In business marketing and sales it is widely known that every sentence of a sales letter is about getting someone to read the next or every part of a verbal pitch is keeping the party ‘in there’ wanting to hear more. This is true in both business and personal life.
We recommend that you start conversations with light, playful, and kind banter, then move on to more personal topics.
Sometimes you can even consider some of the funniest pick-up lines to help lighten the mood and make her smile.
When you approach a girl immediately after she gives you the eye contact or signals, chances are that you won’t be rejected. So, sooner is always better than later in that context. Don’t miss the window of opportunity.
7. Approach from the Side
When ladies are surrounded by strangers, they are typically on guard, more so than men. For instance, when talking to a male friend, you may not necessarily face each other dead on.
In the same fashion you don’t want to do that with a girl. It is better you approach a girl slightly from the side at least during the initial approach. Try as much as possible to talk to her over your shoulder, turning in when you talk and turning slightly away when she does.
This may be easier to do in certain venues such as if she is sitting at a bar. However, it will put her more at ease over the “job interview” style, coming at her face to face. Too many men use the interview style when they approach girls and it can be off putting.
Approaching a girl head on from the front or from behind can be intimidating because she fears being attacked.
Instead of approaching her from behind, you should opt to slowly approach her from a side angle so that she can see you as you are advancing close to her and prepare for your presence rather than be startled by it.
And always respect her personal space and watch her body language when engaging in that conversation.
8. Prove You’re Worth Talking To
Studies show that most people are hesitant and incredibly judgmental when they first meet strangers. Girls especially are raised to be wary of strange guys.
Once a strange guy approaches them, they immediately look for answers to the following questions before deciding whether or not to talk to a strange guy:
- Is he worth my time?
- Is he someone I can trust?
- What does he want from me?
The faster you help her answer the above questions, by allowing her to have her personal space and approaching with a big friendly smile, the faster she will be comfortable and willing to strike a conversation with you.
Here are some tips on how to start a conversation with a girl:
- Ask her for advice: You can ask questions like “is it worth signing up at this gym?”, “Where is a good place to eat around here”?, “Where can I locate a bank”? Thing of ways to determine whether you share a mutual interest with her.
- Be playful: You can ask a question like “I have an emergency. I am in a fix deciding whether to order the Caffè Latte or the Caffè Americano. Which do you think I should order?”
This is a bonus: If she’s in a coffee shop, it is more likely she is a coffee junkie too and would be more likely to discuss her favorite drinks with you leading to more banter.
- Request a favor from her: A question like “Hey, can you hold my jacket for a second while I grab these drinks?” could seal the deal.
- Make a stand (but don’t overdo it): Making a stand doesn’t mean you should be a rude jerk. A girl would consider you attractive when you are passionate about her and can express that. Try as much as possible to avoid politics and religion-related topics. It’s easy to learn how to start a conversation with a girl, but the safest topics to discuss include music, movies, food, and anything else that would make her comfortable.
A girl’s brain is naturally wired to read the body language of guys. The moment you walk up to a girl, her subconscious is constantly analyzing the way you hold your body and every other move to decide how she feels about you.
Therefore, show that you are harmless by smiling and giving her enough personal space.
9. Getting Her Number
How do you approach a girl with the hope of getting her number in places that are not considered ‘social settings’ like clubs or bars? In these cases, try your best to simply first get her attention.
That may be striking up a conversation, or as we suggested previously by walking up to her in the grocery store and handing her a flower and making a kind comment. Once you have her attention, you can politely request her phone number.
You may want to use your manners and first ask her, “Excuse me, may I ask you if you are spoken for…” This will be off putting and allow her to easily say ‘yes I am’ should she want an out. But if she is interested, then it’s time to work your magic.
10. Come To Terms With Getting Rejected
Before you proceed, repeat this to yourself! Repeat it until you have internalized it. When approaching a girl, rejection is just a part of this….rejection is just a part of this.
You can’t succeed every time you try something out (even Steph Curry misses some shots!). Life is fun because it is a mixture of success and failure. The important thing is that when you are rejected, you keep trying.
So, if her response is “No”, don’t freak out, don’t over think it. It’s not the end of the world. The end of the world is the end of the world. That is just a little hiccup. If a girl rejects you, avoid asking her why or pushing her to change her mind. Simply bow out gracefully.
Some girls may not tell you point blank that they are not interested, so it is important to be sensitive to any signal that she is not interested. Read her body language and nonverbal cues.
Is she tapping her feet or crossing her arms? If she is distracted and looking elsewhere or replying with a one-word answer, this is a cue to leave her and go get a drink.
Exit in a classy and kind way.
11. Respect Her Time
Okay, her response to the question “will you be my date,” is a YES- that’s great! Your efforts have paid off and you are on your way. You’re hitting it off, she is chatty, enthusiastic, and animated.
For her to accept you does not mean you should be too pushy or overstep bounds at this phase. You need to be mindful of her circumstances because she may not want to spend the entire night talking to you.
For instance, she may want to spend time with her friends if this is a girls’ night and that’s OK. Don’t attempt to monopolize her entire night just because she showed some interest.
There is still plenty of time and chances to talk with her later. Exchange phone number with her and politely inform her that you would like to continue this.
One of the best ways to succeed with girls is to respect their time and space.
Remember to always smile sincerely and reasonably at every opportunity. Everyone loves a warm happy person. This will help open up more room for communication.
A positive smile will light up your face and attract good people like a magnet. Also, make sure you are doing your best to read her signals and if she is preoccupied, then respect that. Don’t push too hard.
Use the below signals to make a girl feel at ease with you:
- Direct eye contact upon approach
- Open body language
- Visible hands to guarantee that you are friendly and won’t hurt her
Now that you know how to approach a girl and get a girl to like you, we wish you all the best and happy flirting.