To know how to ask a woman out, it helps to know what women want. There are rules to it, which form part of the social contract in society. To take part in the dating ritual a man must learn how to present the best version of himself, in exchange for the best version of the woman.
Selecting a mate, and possibly marrying her one day, is actually the most important decision a man will make in his life. Forget about choosing a career or buying a house – selecting the right woman towers above all else. Knowing the funniest pickup lines might help, but most men will need a bit more help than just that.
Research suggest that marriage is still a major life goal for the majority of college aged women.
Eighty three percent of respondents in a national survey agreed that marriage was a very important goal for them and 63% agreed that they would like to meet their future husband in college.
What do the stats say?
College women especially, report that it is rare for them to actually be asked out on dates by men. Only 50% of female college seniors will go out on more than six dates during their entire college career. More than 33% of college women reported being asked out to only two or less dates during their time in college.
This indicates the one fact that so many men lose sight of when they desire to ask a woman out on a date, and the anxiety starts to rise.
Women want to be asked out; they still need men to take the initiative. Once a man understands this, it becomes very easy to ask them out ; after all, they really want to go out on dates more often.
Dating is first and foremost a physical activity. When a man asks a woman out, he is presenting himself as a male with the hope of enticing some physical attraction from her. Personal hygiene is of the utmost importance.
Cleanliness and hair-care is non-negotiable. The same goes for fragrance. Smell nice. Trim all facial hair. Use a breath freshener. Exercise often. Fitness is more than just healthy; it affects a man’s poise and makes him more attractive. Dress appropriately. Clothing that fit well and suit the occasion will make a difference.
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When in doubt, it is always safe to do the fashionable thing. Style-covered masculinity will always be a winner. So men who carry a little excess weight should avoid tight-fitting shirts or tops. Appearance is not everything.
Who a man is, socially, is very important to a woman. Just look at the majority of male sex-symbols; most are very average looking average people. Fame makes them sexual superstars. The every man’s version of the above, is local “fame.”
Men who are seen with many different woman, are interesting to other women. Ostensible popularity makes men more attractive to women.
Men who spend a lot of time with women, have a better understanding of how women think, speak and act. This makes it much less daunting to approach a woman and to know how to ask her out. It also follows that contact with more woman improves a man’s chance of finding someone he really likes.
Remember, according to a national survey only 48% of college aged women are in a relationship at any given time.
This means that 52% of the women are available and would likely love to meet someone.
In sales, interns are always taught sales lesson number one: hard sales don’t work. Soft sales buys the bacon. Translated to the dating game, simply put, never overplay your hand. Don’t be pushy. Women need to experience a bit of doubt. They need to figure out for themselves whether a man likes them and whether he is attracted to them or not.
Women are not made from sugar and spice as the old adage tells us. They are physical beings with desires, needs, wants and insecurities of their own. A lot of women put effort into how they look.
This is partly due to culture pressures, and partly because women love to feel feminine and ‘girly.’ They don’t only smell nice and look great, we love them so much because they are warm and soft and gentle, BUT, to get access to his feminine muse, a man has to play a little hard to get. Not a lot, just enough.
Playing ‘Hard To Get’
Do not play games with their feelings. Just be playful. Flirt. Tease. And keep them guessing a bit at the beginning stages. If a man drops his guard too soon, and confesses his love, it might be counterproductive and cause the woman to pull the kill-switch and friend-zone him faster than he can say “why me?” Do the touch-test: touch her hand, touch her shoulder, put an arm around her when this seems appropriate. See how she responds to these little touches.
These are gentle touches designed to spark her desire for more, and designed to test the water.
- Does she allow him to touch her without pulling away?
- Does she move towards him?
- Does she touch him back? Does she reciprocate?
These are all signs of attraction.
If a woman allows a man into her touch-zone, into her personal, physical space, it signals her interest and she will most likely appreciate it if the man asks her out.
We all just shake our heads when the second hand car dealer hands out cards to family members at the funeral of a victim of a car wreck. Great salesmen have the gift of timing. Choosing the right time to ask her out on a date will increase the odds of success, tenfold. Woman are oftentimes propositioned a lot more then men realize. Don’t be a creep.
If a woman is hanging out with her friends, and having a great time, listening to music, apparently lost in the solo-zone, leave her alone. Don’t disturb her. Don’t interrupt her. Don’t be invasive. Wait until she is available for a chat. Wait for her full attention. This is critical. Timing is everything.
The moment when a man asks a woman out on a date is not the time to impress her with his domineering personality, assertive masculinity and selfish abandon. Do not assume to have a right to her time. A woman has no duty to entertain any man.
Make Your Intentions Clear
When asking a woman out for a date, make sure she knows it’s for a date. She has to be clear that she is in fact, being asked out on a date. So do not try to downplay an invitation to make it less painful if rejected.
Get it out there “I want to take you out – for dinner/hot dog/movie/coffee/rock climbing.” And if she says yes, always respond with clear and present joy, and say : “Great, then we have a DATE!”
When we try to sell anything worthless to someone we expect will possibly say no, we normally pre-empt failure by offering our product (in this case, our self) with such reservation, that no-one in her right mind will buy it from us. The same goes for dating. Asking her out with the full expectation that she will say no, will pre-empt failure time after time after time.
Invite her, as if there is no tomorrow, as if asking her out on a date is so natural, so normal, so healthy and so courteous, that no woman in her right mind will even consider saying no.
Even James Bond had to learn this the hard way.
Practice Makes Perfect
Date frequently so you get used to the process and become so immune to rejections that they don’t really phase you. That is all a part of selling yourself.
It takes 10 000 hours to become a great surgeon, pilot, painter or writer, so why not spend one hundred hours in dating failure. To become a surgeon of dating, put in the hours.
Even Elvis had to learn how. Asking a girl out is a learned skill, not necessarily something that comes naturally. Handling rejection is the ultimate aim of practicing rational dating.
So you are a little scared to ask a woman out?
Most dates and most subsequent relationships do not start off with the man approaching an attractive stranger and using a great pickup line to sweep her from her feet. Most men ask women out on dates by using a more subtle approach that decrease the tension they experience and increase their self-confidence.
Top Tips for How To Ask a Girl Out
If a man knows his crush’s daily routine, he can place himself in her proximity at the right time, when she is walking home after work, or when she is on her way to the gym, or when she is taking the bus. Using this knowledge a man can ‘create’ a serendipitous situation that will allow him to start chatting to the woman, and he will be able to spend time with her without intruding in her space and without going through pickup line anxiety. This strategy will normally open up the opportunity for the man to ask the woman out on a date in a way that seems to be the natural extension of their ongoing conversation.
Use the time during the intercept to get to know something about her. If she expresses any interest in specific topics, albeit her love of dogs, her interest in art, or her passion for gymnastics, take careful note and spend some time to study-in, just enough for you to be able to have an easy ‘as-you-walk-home’ conversation with her on some of the topics that will stimulate her and entice her interest. Use some flattery during the conversation, but don’t be cheesy. Flattery will more often than not open her enough for you to be able to proceed towards asking her out.
A Helping Hand
Cooperation breeds intimacy. Offer to help carry her heavy bag (yes, old-school manners still make a difference), make space for her to sit down in the bus while you stand, walk her home or do some small favors for her while you are intercepting and conversing. A helping hand is always dear to a woman. If she mentions something she is involved in, like working at a soup kitchen or protesting against animal-cruelty, offer her some support and offer to help her with her cause. Being able to spend more time with her will make it easier to get to know her and to pop ask her out when the time arrives.
When with her on these occasions, in a group, use your intelligence and listen well. Hear what she says, listen to who she is and what she wants. Get to know her, and respond to her warmly and instantly when given the opportunity. Listen more and talk less, and this will draw her closer and this intimacy will help her to open up and relax and enjoy your company.
During time spent together in these groups, use the opportunity to propose a group activity that will include her, and make sure to ask her specifically to go with you – and the group Use this extended group activity that is already moving from accidental group activity towards specific activity that includes her, to move slightly closer to her. Draw closer, and touch her. Closeness like this will create opportunities for touching and some physical bonding, but remain out of the creep zone.
At this point a pattern of doing things together will have developed. It is time to progress from the vague undefined bond formed with her, to something more defined. The level of intimacy will now almost necessitate development to a greater level of intimacy and exclusivity. This is the when she is ready to be asked out for a date – the point where asking her to dinner seems the most natural thing in the world.
Asking The Question
Do not suddenly change the ‘temperature’ of your interaction and make the moment suddenly self-conscious or overbearing. Maintain the tone of the conversation, and preferably keep it lighthearted and fun. Ask her to join you to an event you have to go to. This will be a seamless move to a higher gear and will make the next ask, a formal follow-up after the event-ask, so much easier and more exciting. During this event, the perfect moment will always arise to mention that since she is enjoying this event, she has to come to dinner next Friday when… fill in the blank
Rejection at some time or another, is inevitable.
Even the most carefully approached ask might result in rejection. It is always possible that the woman mistook your caring presence and support simply as friendship, or she might have personal reasons for not wanting to become involved with anyone at the present time. She might be waiting for her boyfriend to come back to her, or trying to live her life free from relationship-complications. Rejection should by no means be cause for pain or humiliation.
Show disappointment. It would be dishonest and almost insulting to pretend not to have meant it after being rejected. Remain open and connected and show your disappointment.
Do not consider this answer to be the full and final answer for all times. Rejection does not mean forever, except if she ended any hope of future engagements with you.
Her rejection is not an indictment of your lack of virtue. It is merely an acknowledgement for her own needs and desires at this point in time.
Often, a woman will reject a man once or twice, but signal her desire to see him again.
Ask her again at another time, and do not feel snubbed by another rejection.
At this point, it might be helpful to seem to move on. It is often necessary for a woman that rejected a man’s advances, to see that he is not needy and that he can live his life even in close proximity to hers, without any difficulties.
Keep close to her, and share with her only the wonderful things experienced and enjoyed in her absence.
Very often this apparent independence will stimulate the woman enough to change her mind. Do not be scared to ask her out again if she signals her interest to you.
To Sum It Up
It is very important not to over analyze things. Asking an attractive woman out is one of the most normal and natural things a man can do. Being asked out is one of the most pleasing and flattering experiences a woman can go through.
It is completely unnecessary to become too self-conscious or self-reflexive. Keep it natural, keep it simple, and above all, keep it open and honest. Most women will respond to kindness and honesty.