In fact, you’ve probably just Googled “how to ask a guy out” so chances are you’re not bothered about not being completely traditional and fitting into mindsets of years gone by.
You’re obviously after some tips, and we will get to that. But it’s important for you to know first off, that guys will be extremely flattered at your taking the step and wanting to ask them out!
As an aside, most guys are likely to be just as intimidated about asking a girl out as you may be about asking them out!
There has been lots of talk of female empowerment lately. The rise of the #MeToo movement might have deterred some guys from asking a girl out, so you may need to take the initiative and learn how to ask a guy out.
According to a recent survey, almost one-third of men are now worried that they’ve done something in the past that could have been interpreted as sexual harassment. This may cause them to be more cautious and timid than ever.
There are dating websites such as Bumble that are geared towards female empowerment by encouraging the woman to make the first move.
Why should you ask a guy out?
There are many reasons why you might want to be the one to do the asking. Dr. Gary Brown, a psychotherapist in West Los Angeles says that women really do like the feeling when guys ask them out, however it’s important to know that guys like that feeling too!
Besides making a guy feel great about himself, there are many other reasons why you should ask a guy out:
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- Just like women, guys can be shy too! If you wait for the guy to always do the asking, you might miss out on “the one”. It may be up to you to make the first move and simply figure out how to ask a guy out, and when you do, this could easily lead to a long term love!
- Your overactive imagination might decide there’s no point in asking because he will just say ‘no’ to your request for a date. Even if he does say ‘no’, at least you won’t be left wondering if dating him is a possibility. Sometimes, knowing the definitive outcome is the better option.
- You will feel courageous. Even if the guy says ‘no’, you will give yourself a boost just by being brave enough to do it in the first place. Just don’t let potential rejection stop you from learning how to ask a guy out. No one loves rejection but even if it does happen, the world will go on!
- Above anything else, being asked out is an ego-boost, and even the boldest of guys need their ego boosted a bit from time to time. Even if he’s not single or isn’t interested in a date, asking him out will no doubt give him a warm feeling inside.
But will he say ‘yes’?
According to Psychology Today, a person who is average-looking that gives a very basic (yet bold) introduction has around a 50% chance of securing a date.
Those are pretty darn good odds!
These results were an average across both sexes. In fact, women asking men were much more likely to receive a ‘yes’! Around 59% of men asked out by a woman agreed to a date.
This means that you probably only have to ask out 2 people before you’re likely to get a date!
Where to find single guys
Before you can ask a guy out, you need to find one. The great thing is that single guys are ubiquitous! Half of Americans are single, and Millennials are staying single much longer than previous generations.
Here are some ideas of places to look, if you’re really struggling to find some suitors for yourself.
Single guys typically have a lot more time on their hands. Often, single guys like to ensure they’re in good shape in order to attract female attention. Where better to find a single guy than at the gym?
2. Join a dance class
I don’t mean ballet! Single guys often want to impress the ladies and thus they may be enrolled in dance classes. Salsa or the Argentine Tango are great choices when it comes to learning how to dance.
These two dance styles in particular are great way for you to find single guys. These dances let you get up close and personal with potential dates and provide great opportunities for socializing.
3. In bars/cafes
These are more traditional places to meet a date. You can really tailor the type of person you’re looking to meet by choosing the locations wisely.
If, for example, you’re a vegan who doesn’t drink alcohol, it’s probably best you don’t go looking for dates in a bar that is famous for its cocktails and burgers!
4. On your commute
If you commute to work using public transport, it’s quite likely that you will see the same faces over and over again. Don’t be afraid to strike up a conversation in these ordinary places.
We don’t mean ask them out right away, just start chatting and see if there is a mutual interest. Always be open to meeting new people and this happens by just smiling and being friendly.
You never know where a conversation will lead.
The internet has become the go to place to meet a guy. There are countless online dating sites for every age and niche group.
Some tips for writing a guy for the first time are:
- Ask him a question directly related to his profile
- Find some commonalities about yourself and his profile and pics and talk about those
- Try to be light hearted yet sincere
- Be careful about jokes or sarcasm as these can be misinterpreted too easily
This leads us nicely onto our next question:
How do you know if a guy is single?
The truth is, you don’t! However, there are some obvious and not-so-obvious clues to help you determine if a guy is single.
Firstly, if there’s a wedding ring present, well, that’s kinda a no-brainer and a big clue you should stay away! Aside from a lady in their company, a wedding ring is the most obvious giveaway as to whether or not a man is single or not.
Obviously, this doesn’t mean that the absence of a wedding ring means a guy is single either!
So, aside from the ring, it’s time to look for subtle clues. You may want to walk up to them and politely introduce yourself and say, “May I ask you a question, are you spoken for?” That is sweet and not too assertive or off-putting.
Even if they are spoken for, they will be flattered.
Subtle clues to help you know if a guy is single or not
Regardless if he is alone or with a friend or group of people you need make an effort to notice if he is actively looking around the room or is he engrossed in conversation (or his phone/laptop)?
The chances are if he’s looking around then he might be looking for something, i.e. a single lady. It’s time to tune in and try to be intuitive so you can know if he is open to your approach.
How to catch a guy’s eye
Now, although this article is about how to ask a guy out, you may want an ‘easier’ way to accomplish the end goal of getting a date with the guy.
There are subtle ways of catching a guy’s eye, as well as not-so-subtle ways.
Exuding confidence is a sure-fire way to get noticed. If you’re both at the bar ordering drinks, giving your order in a confident and friendly manner will instantly get his attention.
Nothing is sexier than confidence in a woman!
If he’s sitting at a table, you could walk past him towards the bar or the bathroom with a confident air. While passing, catch his eye and give him a smile. Depending on his reaction, perhaps on the way back, you will be confident enough to approach him!
In a gym situation, it’s quite easy to be chatty and social. Many people look for friends and enjoy socializing at the gym. So, use this opportunity to try to glance in his direction, smile, and be approachable.
And of course, online, it’s a lot easier to be confident and do the asking! Sadly, we all seem to have a lot more confidence when hiding behind the shield of a computer screen.
It’s great to be able to plan out what you want to say in the email or text, you have time to talk it through with friends, and get to show your witty side.
How to make the moves yourself and ask a guy out
It’s a bit like pulling off a Band-Aid, you just need to do it and you’ll realize it’s not as painful as you expected it to be!
Ask yourself ‘what’s the worst that could happen?’. Barring some unfortunate tripping up or embarrassing accident, the worst will be that the guy declines your invitation to go out. Hopefully, this will be done tactfully.
In all seriousness, rejection is tough but you’ve got nothing to lose by asking a guy out. Actually, you could have quite a lot to gain by doing so!
Pros and Cons of asking
There are many pros and cons to being the ‘asker’ and being the ‘ask-ee’ when it comes to dating.
Let’s take a look at a few.
Pros of being proactive and asking a guy out yourself
- You’re in charge. Let’s face it, it can be a bit soul-destroying to go out for the evening with the intention of finding a person to date to know that no one has asked you out. By becoming the one who has learned how to ask a guy out, you suddenly are in charge of your own destiny.
- Guys love confident women and asking a guy out is an example of such confidence. If you do end up in a blossoming relationship with the guy or even if you secure a date or two, you really have nothing to lose!
- You’ll make his day. Whether he wants to go out with you or not doesn’t matter. Being asked out is really flattering. Consider it a good deed done!
Pros of letting guys do the asking
- If you’re a worrier and have a fear of rejection, you can’t get hurt this way.
- You get a confidence boost! It’s really flattering when a guy approaches you and asks you out.
- You know that it takes guts to ask someone out and so you know the guy is genuinely interested in you.
- You can play hard-to-get if you want to appear to be in the driving seat. But don’t play too hard to get, because remember he doesn’t like the feeling of rejection either!
Cons of asking a guy out
- You could get rejected
- You can’t play hard-to-get, your feelings are made pretty clear right away
- You don’t know if the guy is as into you as you are him
Cons of waiting to be asked out
- Simply put, you might be waiting for a long time!
- The guys you like might not be the ones to ask you out.
How to break the ice and ask him out
- Clever pick-up lines or jokes – to gauge if you and your potential date are on the same wavelength intellectually you could use a cute pick up line or joke to break the ice.
- For example, Neon walks into a bar. The barman says ‘get out, we don’t serve your kind in here!’ Neon doesn’t react. If you find this funny and so does he, you at least have the same sense of humor.
- Buy him a drink – if you see what he’s drinking and that he’s coming to the end of his drink, by him another and take it over to him. It’s not all that common for a woman to buy a man a drink but this is why this works really well! It will definitely get his attention and at the very least he will be very appreciative.
- Smile – honestly, a smile is the best way of breaking the ice and showing a guy you’re interested in him well before you actually do any asking. If he smiles back and it’s a genuine smile, you’re good to go ahead and ask him out!
- Keep it simple – Don’t beat around the bush, if you’re after a date, just ask. Say something along the lines of ‘Hi, I’m ________I would love to get to know you…would you be interested in getting a drink next week?’ Being specific about what you want to do and when you want to do it is always a good idea.
Where to go on a first date
Since asking a guy out for the first time can be quite daunting, here are a few suggestions of where you could go.
Casual, ‘no-pressure’ dates
- Ask him out for coffee. Coffee is a real safe play. There is no pressure with coffee. There’s no awkward decisions about whether or not to part with a kiss, or where to go after. Coffee is coffee and it’s really casual and very easy. It’s also a good idea to go for coffee because if there is no connection, it’s very simple to sip down your drink in 30 minutes and part ways! You don’t want to be committed to a five course meal when before the first course you find out that there is no connection.
- Try a movie. If you’re shy or on the quiet side, going to the movies is a great option because you won’t have to cope with awkward silences when you can’t think of anything to say. If you do want to really get into some conversation to see if there is any synergy, the movies are not a good call.
- Suggest a concert. While this is similar to the movies in that there won’t be much opportunity for small talk. A concert is a little bit more daring as it probably involves some singing and maybe even dancing. This can be a good idea though because you will get to know whether or not you have similar tastes in music!
- Head to the countryside or mountains for some outdoor time. A walk in the forest or on a hiking trail is a great way to get to know someone and release some endorphins at the same time. Find a local hiking trail or somewhere you feel comfortable and where there are plenty of people. There will be plenty of things to talk about and plenty of time for chatting. If it goes well, you can always suggest a drink after.
- Go to the opera! It worked for Richard Gere in Pretty Woman! While it might be neither of your cups of tea, in reality, suggesting something new and out of your comfort zone might just be the way to attract a guy who likes someone daring and spontaneous who is willing to try new things.
- Do something that gets the adrenaline pumping! How about a date to a theme park or rock climbing for example? If you really want to spend a little bit of money how about a bungee jump? These are great ideas that nearly all guys will love (unless they have a fear of heights or suffer from motion sickness of course).
Dealing with rejection
If you do get rejected, it really isn’t the end of the world and it doesn’t automatically mean that every guy is going to reject you. There could be many reasons a guy turns down your request for a date.
For instance, he could be in a relationship, he could have just been through a nasty breakup, he might live too far away, he might be too busy, he might be ill, or he might even just not feel like dating at the moment.
Whatever the reason, you can get through the rejection and know you are a better person for taking a chance. So, if you do get rejected, simply dust yourself off and move on.
As the saying goes, there are plenty of fish in the sea!
Deciding of you want to ask a guy out is tough but the truth is, you have very little to lose. The hardest thing of all is deciding how to ask a guy out in the first place. Once you’ve decided how to go about it, you’re pretty much there!
When you ask a guy out and he says ‘yes’, there’s no denying the feeling. You’ll be walking on cloud nine for the rest of the week! Have the confidence to do the asking, remember more than half of guys will say yes!
That’s a great statistic!
Don’t be afraid of rejection. If you do get rejected, simply understand that this guy just wasn’t the right guy for you. Take what you can from the experience and use it as a lesson for the next time you decide to ask a guy out.