There is no hard and fast scientific rule on how to attract women. In fact, there are many factors at play when it comes to this very complex topic.
Let’s face it, if it were easy, we could bottle it up and sell it and we’d become a billionaire overnight! Many of the elements involved in attracting someone are actually out of our control.
Some things like physical features, genetic makeup, social status etc. are often beyond our control and these all play a part in the attraction process.
Fortunately, there are also factors that we are able to control and therefore we do have a part to play in how we are perceived by the opposite sex. For example, we choose the lifestyle we lead, our careers, how we groom ourselves, the clothing and accessories we wear and our behavior.
There are also somewhat controllable things such as our physique (in terms of simply staying in shape and within a healthy weight), our emotional competencies and our confidence.
Yes, even confidence can be learned.
Obviously, all of these things play a part in how we are perceived by the opposite sex and will help us to understand how to attract women. Let’s discover some general underlying principles that makes people attractive.
What research shows about what attracts women to men
Studies show that the thing that attracts women the most is when the woman perceives the man to be of higher status. Social status is very important to a lot of women. So, let’s take a look at status.
What is classed as ‘status’ and how do you get it?
There are different interpretations of what status really means. Firstly, we can talk about outward status. By this, we mean physical things like nice clothes, money in the wallet, and the finest material things like expensive cars, watches, etc.
Secondly, we can think about status in terms of behavioral displays. For example, leadership skills and confidence are very attractive to women.
These two types of status often go hand in hand. Which begs the question, do leadership and confidence create prestige and wealth? Or do prestige and wealth lead to leadership and confidence?
Either way, women are very attracted to these qualities.
Having a nice car, nice clothes or lots of money might work well in how to attract women initially, but they don’t really create a long-lasting attraction or a lifetime bond.
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More than Superficial
There must be much more than the superficial in order for a relationship to last long term. Many of our dating coaches work with women who think that these things will lead to long term satisfaction, and that is not true.
Initially, women are happy to be with a man who can provide these ‘non-essentials’ materially, however, most will end up utterly miserable in the long term, when there is nothing more than nice clothes and a nice house. It’s important to remember that you live with the person, not with the ‘things.’
Things like expensive jewelry and a big house are great, but remember, they don’t bring long lasting fulfillment.
If a man is perceived as too needy by a woman, he typically becomes less attractive. Examples of neediness include a man always wanting to be with the woman, constantly calling and texting, and always, always, always being available at the drop of a hat.
There is no need to completely lose yourself, your identity and your own life within a relationship!
You can still spend a lot of time with her while keeping your own friends and interests. Oftentimes, a man can even be too agreeable, just going along with everything the woman says and does, and this is not how to attract women.
A man who is not needy will enjoy his female companion, still pursue her, still make her a priority without totally losing himself. He keeps his passions and hobbies, friends and family that he talks about excitedly.
This type of strong, genuine and self-sufficient behavior most women find very attractive!
The difference in these two behaviors is that the former is constructing his behavior around how he perceives the woman wants to see him and from his own desperation rather than a position of genuine strength and character that impresses a woman.
This is not a call to be cocky or selfish but rather kind, gentle, strong yet slightly independent. It is a good balancing act, guys!
Neediness is a Turn Off
Neediness is the ultimate turnoff for women.
Here is a list of things that you shouldn’t do if you want to attract women:
- Call repeatedly because she hasn’t called you back.
- Text constantly and always be the first one to text.
- Act controlling or suspicious
- Ask her where she has been as though you don’t trust her
- Ask her if you can join her every time she leaves the house or makes plans with friends
- Lie to women to make yourself seem more attractive or interesting (It’s been said a woman is better at uncovering things than the FBI!)
- Hide every flaw thus presenting a very untrue version of yourself
- Try to dominate the conversation
How not to be ‘needy’
Since neediness is the ultimate turnoff when attracting women, you need to learn how to be the opposite of that. So, what are some things that will prove you are not needy?
These will make you seem more attractive to women.
- Accept that if she doesn’t return your call, she wasn’t right for you.
- Be open and honest with your desires
- Accept criticism
- Don’t be afraid to expose your flaws – be comfortable in the truth that you are not perfect
- Don’t be a know it all
- Treat a woman as an equal
- Only decide to improve yourself or change if it’s what you want. Don’t try to improve your looks or character just to attract women or impress someone. This will be very short lived if it is not coming from your own heart and desires.
Why do these things matter so much? Well, it has to do with the assortment effect. The assortment effect is a psychological term that describes how people are attracted to one another.
In psychology it has been observed that women and men that have similar self-perceptions and beliefs tend to attract each other.
For example, a transparent and genuine man who is warm-hearted is likely to attract a transparent and genuine, warm-hearted woman.
So, what can you take away from this?
If you are wanting to attract an exciting, loving, secure, kind and supportive woman then look at yourself first. You need to be all of these things too. Knowing how to attract women is all about knowing how to be attractive yourself.
How to Attract Women Without Talking
There are many times when you want to attract women without actually going up to them and initiating a conversation.
Men often stress about trying to find the right words to say to engage with a woman but there are actually many ways of attracting women without actually talking. Let’s take a look at some ideas involving non-verbal cues.
Using Eye Contact to Attract Women
Eye contact is really important when it comes to attracting women. When you succeed in catching that woman’s eye, hold the gaze and smile. This will show a woman that you are confident and not shy. The smile will tell her that you are friendly and definitely interested.
Maintaining eye contact is difficult if you’re an introvert or are just quite shy. In order to make this easier, make sure you focus on your breathing. A deep breath right into your belly will help you feel relaxed.
Secondly, make sure that your smile is genuine and that you smile with your eyes.
Surround yourself with others for ‘social proof’
If a woman sees you surrounded by other women or even other guys, and hopefully attractive ones, she will see you as a man that is confident, out-going and friendly which is attractive.
RELATED – Continued reading on “social proof”
Banter in a non-verbal way
You might think that banter only has to do with verbal exchanges. Well, that isn’t entirely true.
There are ways in which you can take part in non-verbal communication to get women interested in you. If, for example, you have already made contact with a certain woman and aren’t yet ready to approach her, you could start having fun with her from a distance.
For example, you can make silly faces, crossing your eyes of sticking out your tongue in order to make her laugh. This will also make it easier to approach her. This also takes a healthy dose of self-confidence to pull off!
Body Language Makes You Attractive
Women are attracted to confidence so make sure you stand tall. Make sure your shoulders are relaxed, your arms are not crossed and your head is up.
Also, make sure your face is relaxed and happy. Things to avoid that affect your body language and how attractive you feel include fidgeting and excessive movements.
Maintain solid eye contact – Don’t make it creepy or intense but do keep a relaxed gaze.
Move deliberately– we’ve mentioned avoiding excessive movements but make sure the movements you do make are deliberate and exude some level of confidence.
Women will notice the friendly, social man that gets along with everyone. So, when you’re out, this is what you aim to achieve. Women notice those who get along with others well whether it’s other men, women, or members of staff in a bar.
Make women come after you
You might think this is a difficult task but it can actually be really easy. All you need to do is go out and have fun! Make sure you smile and enjoy yourself.
Most women are attracted to men who are friendly, confident and social. No one wants to be around a pill!
Specific characteristics women love to see in men
There are many different characteristics that women find attractive in a man. Let’s take a look at some specific things that women really find attractive.
Having great manners goes a long way and a lack of manners can come off as rude. According to Readers Digest, bad manners can make you less attractive.
There are many different types of manners, let’s take a look.
- Chivalry – Ok, this might seem a little old fashioned but many women still love a man that demonstrates chivalry. If she doesn’t appreciate doors being opened or you walking on the outside of the pavement, she will certainly say so.
- Being polite – Make sure you choose your words carefully and say them in a gentle tone. In the majority of cases, women won’t appreciate a man being crude or swearing. Once you get to know a woman a little bit better, you will get to know what you can get away with in terms of banter and words you can use with her.
- Etiquette of dating – unless she’s a huge feminist and you know she is, pull her chair out for her. Also, if you’re eating, make sure you don’t start eating until her dinner arrives too. Finally, make sure your eyes stay on her face and not on other parts of her body.
Showing your vulnerable side
Forget about being macho, women these days prefer a man to show a little vulnerability. This is perhaps something to withhold a little in the early stages of attraction, but showing your vulnerable side a bit is actually quite attractive.
One of the things women really find attractive is knowledge about the world around you. This doesn’t mean you have to be a philanthropist or anything like that but being able to chat about current affairs is really interesting to women.
If you show that you are interested in the world around you and learning and growing, women will find you more attractive. After all, no ones likes ignorance.
Show your sense of humor
Women (like everyone) love having a laugh.
Showing a woman that you can have a laugh with her will show her that you will be able to help her through the tough times with your humor. Humor is very important when trying to figure out how to attract women.
Hopefully, you both have the same sense of humor and when you make it joke it doesn’t fall flat. So, tread carefully here!
Show spontaneity and adventure
Spontaneity is really attractive to most women! Things you can do to show your adventurous side include:
- Visiting new places (How about a weekend trip up to the mountains?)
- Trying new hobbies (What about renting a boat for an afternoon or even something super adventuresome like skydiving? Pick some hobbies you may both enjoy!)
- Trying different types of food (Finding new restaurants or even finding some new recipes on Pinterest or Yummly and cooking them together is fun)
Why is spontaneity attractive to women? The truth is that no one really wants to get into a stale and boring relationship. If you can exhibit true spontaneity, you will have women swooning.
How to attract women in specific locations
We’ve gone through lots of different ways you can attract women. Now, let’s look at how to attract women at the places you frequent.
How to attract women at work
This is a dangerous game to play! You have to be certain that your advances are welcome when trying to date someone at work so if you are able to get them to approach you is the best idea.
Only when you are sensing that there is a mutual level of interest should you move ahead. Here are some things to try:
- Exude confidence when you talk to her
- Maintain eye contact and smile confidently
- If she holds your eye contact and also smiles, you can begin to up your game and start slowly flirting
Attracting Women at Bars
Lots of women meet men at bars. Usually drinks and music lower people’s inhibitions, which will help you to attract women.
In a bar scene, here are some things to try:
- Show that you’re having fun – laugh, dance, and have a good time with your friends. Women will be drawn to this positivity and will want to join in.
- Avoid boring conversation – women don’t go to bars to be bored, so if you do decide to be the one to do the pursuit, try to think of something more unusual or clever to start your conversation.
- Don’t stare – this is a really big turnoff for women! By all means, glance over to her direction but a stare is never welcome.
- Choose words wisely – Never ever start out a conversation, “Hi Sweetie,” or “Hi Babe” these are very offensive to most women when used too soon. She will be thinking, “I am not your sweetie…” So, choose your opening wisely.
Using the Gym to Attract a Woman
A gym is a great place to meet women and you know you’re meeting someone with at least that commonality.
According to the Washington Post, women rate the strongest (and buffest) men as the most attractive!
If you would like to hear how to attract women at the gym, there are a few steps you can take to get her interested.
- Before you start, check her finger to make sure she isn’t married!
- Make sure you’re in your best workout clothes. Being hot and sweaty is one thing, but being badly groomed in dirty or wrinkled clothes is not going to attract women!
- As you are working out, be aware of the people around you. It may even help to unplug from your music so you feel more connected to your environment.
- See if you can spot any opportunities to engage in conversation. Could you offer to help her with a piece of equipment? Could you make a funny comment about going to the gym?
- Make your visits to the gym at different times and days of the week. Why not try a class that is geared more towards women like Pilates?
As we’ve seen in this article, attracting women comes down to many different things.
How you look and are perceived in terms of conversation, confidence, etc. are all very important. When trying to figure out how to attract women, you need to look at things you should be doing as well as things that you should avoid doing.
One of the most important things you need to bear in mind is that this process is very much trial and error. You might have to try many different things before you meet a woman you are attracted to and where there is reciprocity.
But even if you get rejected a couple times, shake the dust from you feet and remember it happens to everyone! What are you waiting for? Get out there and start attracting women today!