Let’s face it, relationships aren’t always flowers and romantic strolls in the park. They don’t always get our blood pumping and heart racing, giving us the butterflies in the stomach, head over heels feelings.
Sadly, sometimes a relationship feels more like a full-time job (that is unpleasant) than a breath of fresh air. If this sounds like you, then read on while we guide you through the perils and pitfalls of how to break up.
Ok, we admit it, breaking up with someone can be awkward to say the least. But it doesn’t have to be and it shouldn’t be a reason for you to remain in a relationship that is making you feel unhappy.
A relationship should be fun and exciting, adding to your life, rather than detracting from it. So, if yours isn’t, perhaps it might be time to call it a day and move on. If you are stuck on how to do this gently with civility, then help is at hand. We’ve been there and done that and though it isn’t pretty, it can be better than you think.
How to identify when it is time to break up?
Deciding to end a relationship can be a tricky business. You have to feel confident that you are making the right decision so you can live without regrets. But how do you know when it’s time to break up?
Well, to be honest there is no easy answer to that question. What triggers one person to end a relationship, might not trigger you. It all depends on your circumstances and how you feel. That being said, there are a few generic signs to look out for:
1. Lack of spark
The spark simply isn’t there anymore. There may have been a time when you looked at your partner and felt a wave of joy and excitement. If that spark has petered out early on, it could be a signal that the relationship isn’t working anymore.
However, don’t act too soon.
This might also just mean that you are comfortable together. Things are not always going to be exciting once you are well into the relationship. Feelings do abate a bit, but at the beginning this spark is indeed necessary. Chemistry is an intangible but magical necessity.
2. Lack of physical attraction
It is common knowledge that you must be physically attracted to your partner when entering into the relationship. Having no physical attraction can be a nail in the coffin of sorts.
If this is just not there or fizzles out too early, the relationship can suffer. Once again, this is not always a sign to call it a day. While the physical isn’t everything, there does need to be that attraction to some degree.
3. You are bored
You are bored- it’s very common in relationships to fall into a rut. This can often lead to boredom and makes spending time together seem more like an obligation than a joy. If this is the case, it can be very tempting to end the relationship and start the search for something new and exciting. Boredom is a part of life, and it is up to you to discern if you should put more effort into the relationship to make it more exciting, or if it’s time to cut bait.
There are a number of reasons why you might decide to break up, and no two situations are the same. For whatever reason, should you feel that your relationship is no longer for you, it may be time to think about how to break up. But where do you start?
Well lucky for you, you’ve already taken your first step to freedom. Read on and we will show you how to break up and survive.
8 Best ways to Break Up
If you’ve decided to carry on reading, it’s likely that you are serious about ending your relationship. Let’s be completely honest from the start, there is no good time or way to break up with someone.
There are, however, some ways that are infinitely better than others. Moreover, there are some ways to avoid altogether (we’ll get to those later).
1. Be face-to-face
It is vital that you show the relationship the respect it deserves and sit your partner down for a face to face conversation. Not only is it good manners, but it will also allow you to use your body language and facial expressions to soften the blow. Now we know this might be awkward, telling someone you don’t want to be with them anymore to their face can be painful. However, it will allow you both to say your peace and that’s something your partner deserves.
2. Be honest
Sometimes the good old “it’s not you, it’s me” line just doesn’t cut it. If you have decided to part company with your partner, tell them why. Truthfully. It’s tempting to lie to avoid hurting someone, we get that. But being completely honest is the only way to go when deciding how to break up. Not only will it allow you to get everything out, but it will also tell your partner some hard truths. This might help them grow in the future, and what’s more, they might do the same for you. Honesty is healthy.
3. Try to remain friendly
Breaking up with someone is never fun, and it’s true that sometimes it can get ugly. Tempers get frayed and accusations might be made. It’s natural. However, it doesn’t have to get out of hand. Try to keep things civil and friendly. It’s important not to get caught up in the heat of the moment; take your time, explain your point of view and be prepared for less than kind responses. Remember this is a painful situation for both of you, but that’s no reason to rude to one another.
4. Remember the reasons you got together in the first place
When deciding to break up, it can be very easy to forget why you got together in the first place. Often your judgment will be clouded by bad feelings, misunderstandings and sometimes hurtful experiences.
This can be a real barrier when breaking up with someone as it might cause you to be unnecessarily hurtful. In order to combat these feelings, you should bear in mind that at one time your partner was your special someone.
Remembering the good times can really make any break up a lot more easy to swallow.
5. Be kind
If you have had a particularly bad relationship it can be tempting to rip on your partner. However, realistically what will this achieve? It will only hurt him/her and make you angry and frustrated.
Don’t get us wrong, as we mentioned above you must be honest, but there are ways to say things. For instance, if you have become sick and tired of your partner’s lack of ambition, rather than accusing them of being lazy and short-sighted, you could state that you want different things in the future.
A spoonful of sugar really does make the medicine go down.
6. Be positive
A break up doesn’t have to be an ending, it can actually be a beginning. We really believe in silver linings, and if you look hard enough at a break up, we’re certain you will find one.
Whether it’s that you learned something about yourself and what you want, if it’s good memories or the excitement of a fresh start, a break up can be a positive experience. It’s all about perspective during this hard time.
7. Be clear
When it comes to how to break up it is important to be as clear as possible. Being vague will only make things more difficult for both of you and leave questions unanswered. Moreover, if things are left unsaid they may plague you for weeks and months after. Say it clearly, it’s what your partner deserves.
8. Take responsibility
If you have chosen to break up with your partner, it is up to you to take responsibility for the decision. This isn’t about blaming one another, it is about talking through your problems.
This will allow you to reach a place where you can part company without holding grudges. You’ve made the decision, accept that you might have to be the bad guy here.
Like we said before, there is no good way to break up with someone, but there are certainly bad ways to break the news.
Here are some methods we would advise you to avoid if you want to clear conscience.
Worst Ways to Break Up
1. Over the phone or via text
Yes, this actually happens. When deciding how to break up with your partner, this option should really not be on your list. We know it’s hard to look someone in the eye and tell them you no longer want them, but telling someone over the phone is simply disrespectful and reeks of cowardice. Get some guts and do it properly.
This is a relatively new form of breaking up with someone, but that doesn’t make it any more tasteful.
In fact ghosting someone can be really damaging. For those of you unfamiliar the term, ghosting refers to breaking up with someone by simply disappearing altogether and ending all communication without any explanation. Nice, right?
Unanswered questions can drive a person insane. This is especially true when it comes to a relationship so do the right thing and say it straight.
Getting your partner to break up with you first
3. Getting your partner to break up with you first
This classic move requires so much effort and hard work, we can’t imagine why this might be the option for so many people. Treating your partner badly to the point where they are desperate to break up with you is childish and cowardly (as are all of these methods).
Not only will you hurt them unnecessarily, but you will also damage any chance of having a friendship after the break up. Furthermore, you will cause yourself to question your own morality. This one is certainly one to avoid if you want to be able to sleep at night.
4. Cheating and getting caught on purpose
When you have lost feelings for your partner, it’s only natural to look around for someone else. However, this is not the best way to end a relationship. Getting involved with someone who is not your partner is the ultimate act of betrayal.
Getting caught on purpose to force a break up is just plain cruel. Yes, it might get you out of a relationship that you are no longer happy in. However, you have to consider the collateral damage this might do to your partner and even to your own reputation.
Being cheated on can cause a loss of trust and might make your partner fear that type of rejection and hurt again. Is this what you really want? It’s just not fair to anyone at all, including yourself.
So, you’ve broken up with your partner, now what? The fallout from a breakup can be painful. So, whether you were the instigator or the person on the receiving end, there will be pieces to pick up.
How to get over a break up
Getting over a breakup can be one of the hardest things you will ever do, but there are some simple ways to get over a break up and look forward to a brighter future.
Take some time to evaluate– A break up is a good time to take a step back and think about the relationship, especially why it ended. This will help you to avoid making the same mistakes in the future and will lead to happier subsequent relationships.
1. Focus on you
You might feel a bit lost without your partner, but a break up is the perfect chance to focus on you. All too often in a relationship we spend so much of our time and energy focusing on the other person.
This can mean we lose sight of ourselves and what we really want. A break up allows you to spend time on yourself and the things you enjoy. It also may be time to focus on your friends and family and start up some new friendships.
Work out what you really want– So your relationship didn’t work out, it doesn’t mean that you will never find ‘the one’. There are 7 billion people in the world, the right person is out there somewhere. You could use the break up as a way to work out what you are looking for and then go out and find it. Simple, right?
Have some fun– A break up can be a way of enjoying some freedom. Relationships can sometimes restrict you, we’ve all had to explain where we are going and who we are going with from time to time during our relationships.
So, your new found freedom is the perfect opportunity to break free and have some fun. You might not find ‘the one’ right away, but you can certainly have some fun looking. Experimenting is the key so go out and be social and enjoy yourself.
2. Spend time with friends and family
A break up is the perfect time to reconnect with your loved ones. Relationships sometimes mean that your friends and family become secondary figures in your life.
If you have broken up with your partner or have been broken up with, take this opportunity to meet up with your friends or organize a family meal. It will take your mind off the pain of the break up and start the healing process.
Break ups are not fun. But they are a part of life. If you are the one doing the breaking up, you will have to take on the role of the bad guy, but it’s much better to be honest and up front.
Have a plan
If you are thinking of breaking up with your partner, preparation might be the key.
- Think over what you want to say beforehand. Having a pre-planned idea of what you want to say to your partner can help you to express yourself more clearly.
- Try to choose a place where you and your partner can be alone. A break up is hard enough without there being an audience watching. Public places are a no-no. A break up is hard enough without there being an audience watching. Public places are a no-no.
- Give your partner an idea about the content of your discussion. You don’t want the breakup to come out of nowhere. This will really not be productive and moreover, the surprise might shut your partner down.
- Whatever happens or however you decide to break up, be sure that you are making the right decision. Living with regrets is really not what you want from a break up and longing for a partner you have let go is painful.
Hopefully, you now have some tools to help you decide how to break up. The goal is to cause minimal damage to both your life and your partner. So, if it’s time, be brave and take the plunge. If you don’t want to be with your partner any more, do the right thing and set them free.