The Health Benefit of Flirting
Did you know that many studies have shown that there are health benefits to flirting?
According to Joy Nordenstrom, an expert in the field of relationships and the founder of the company Joy of Romance Inc., whether you are single or currently in a relationship, flirting is a necessary part of interpersonal relationships.
Flirting does not only improve a relationship you may already be in but it helps you also attract the guy you are wanting. Flirting can actually improve your health on a physical and emotional level.
When you learn how to flirt with a guy and they respond in kind, your self-esteem skyrockets. When someone wants you and you feel wanted, it generally stirs up positive endorphins which make you feel good.
When you (mentally and emotionally) feel good about your life, your thoughts will then affect your entire physical well-being for improved health and wellness.
Women (Almost Always) Make The First Move
Feinberg (1996) describes flirting as a form of teasing that transmits a hidden message to convey how interested a person is in another and how intimate the person would like to become, if at all.
Vitulli (1987) explains it in simple terms: “flirting refers to the initial actions one takes to convey a message of interest or attraction.”
People flirt with three main purposes. Flirtation is not always an indication of sexual attraction. Apart from signaling sexual interest, people also flirt to see if others (still) find them attractive, and often, simply as a past time and a way to build their own egos.
For women the ability to flirt with a guy is of paramount importance. Despite popular opinions to the contrary, it is women who actually make the first move, although oftentimes almost subconsciously.
It is because of the subtlety of female signaling (standing close to or looking at the man) that men are seen as the initiators of the courtship process. The research suggests that women subtly make the first move in 66% of all cases.
While women are responsible for the beginning stages of courtship, men only take the lead just prior to sexual intercourse. Both men and women contribute to the progress towards a successful relationship as the process unfolds.
What’s Your Flirting Style?
There are five basic flirting styles. Not all women communicate attraction in the same way. Depending on a woman’s style, the cues employed to flirt with a guy, will vary.
In order to flirt with a guy in a way that not only feels comfortable, but actually succeeds in communicating her attraction, a woman has to focus on her inner self to figure out which type she is, rather than to follow generic advice that seems to propose that all women follow the same basic steps.
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However, a woman’s natural style might not always generate the desired results. In order to really learn how to flirt with a guy, it is necessary for every woman to complement her natural style with strategies that may feel a bit foreign, but might improve her ability to generate the results she desires.
1. Physical Style
These women feel very comfortable and highly confident that they can signal their romantic interest in a man in a physical way – by using their body to communicate.
Women, who easily detect the interest of a potential partner and instinctively understand how to convey their own interest, fall into this category. Women in this group find it very easy to keep the conversation going, and they almost never compliment their partners.
They also ask fewer questions and very seldom touch themselves throughout the interaction. Physical flirts use their hands less often to emphasize a point of to help express themselves.
They do however nod a lot when listening, especially in the first three minutes. A typical way physical flirts will use their bodies to signal interest, is by moving their chair closer, or by accentuating their breasts. This is done by crossing the arms around the chest, for example.
Women who are physical flirts are more likely to engage in flirtatious behavior in bars and clubs, and will rarely use friendship as a way to initiate a romantic relationship.
2. Traditional Style
These women are more passive and they believe that it is a man’s responsibility to initiate contact, and feel that it is inappropriate for a woman to pursue a man during courtship.
Non-traditional women disagree, and feel unconstrained by gender role scripts – they do not care whether the man or the woman initiates a relationship.
The women in the traditional style will nod a lot, also in the first three minutes of the contact, but they will almost always use their hands to aid communication and express themselves.
Traditional women are great ‘teasers’ and they will very likely playfully tease especially during the first three minutes of the conversation. (Eaton and Rose, 2011).
3. Sincere Style
These women prefer to convey attraction by forming an emotional connection and by showing real and sincere interest in men they are attracted to and by being more open about themselves by a higher degree of self-disclosure.
This is how they initiate romantic relationships. These women rarely self-touch during the contact, but they show a lot of coy gazes during the entire conversation, from start to finish.
Sincere flirts use their hands all the time to emphasize what they are saying and to express themselves more clearly. These women also smile and laugh all the time, especially during the first half of the interaction.
Sincere women rarely tease their men and self-report a much higher degree of flirting success. They will never fidget or play with inanimate things because this to them, is disrespectful.
4. Polite Style
Women who are polite flirts are cautious and prefer to follow rules of courtship. They emphasize manners and avoid sexual communication at all cost. They are much more reserved and feel that being very forward is inappropriate.
They absolutely avoid overt and assertive tactics and prefer to show respect for the potential partner. They rarely self-touch and speak in a lower-pitched voice right through the interaction.
These women ask questions later on, but almost never at the beginning of the conversation. These women may actually increase their distance from their potential partners the more attracted they are to them. The more attracted they become, the less overt their signals are.
5. Playful Style
Women who are playful flirts do it for fun, to feel better about themselves and not with the aim of initiating any future relationship.
The playful women tend to compliment men quite frequently especially during the first three minutes, and they almost always protruded or extended their chests after seven or eight minutes into the conversation.
They rarely self-touch in the first three minutes, but do it more as the conversation moves along.
Playful women start asking questions halfway through the contact, and employ flirtatious gazes after four or five minutes, when they also shrug quite often.
Similarities of All Flirting Styles
Irrespective of the preferred flirting style, some tactics are universally employed by all women who are physically attracted to a man. The more a woman is attracted to a man, the more compliments she will give.
The same goes for laughing and smiling – a basic strategy to signal attraction. Women who flirt use their hands to express themselves, and emphasize what they are expressing verbally.
Coy and flirtatious gazes during the beginning of the contact, is another universal ploy women use to flirt with the men of their choice.
The Do’s and Don’t’s of Flirting
|Ask personal questions||Make excuses|
|Pay Compliments||Give close-ended answers|
|Make eye contact||Look away|
|Move closer||Move away|
|Look person up and down||Be silent|
|Use hand gestures||Do not be abrupt or off-hand|
|Touch each other||Be distracted|
|Pay close attention||Be unfriendly|
|Open-ended answers||Shy away|
|Agree as much as possible||Play with phone|
|Disagree with third parties||Take phone calls|
|Nod often||Change the subject|
|Use a high pitched (feminine voice)||Slouch|
|Act like he does||Verbalize how one feels|
Source: Catherine S. Fichten , Vicki Tagalakis , Darlene Judd , John Wright & Rhonda Amsel (1992) Verbal and Nonverbal Communication Cues in Daily Conversations and Dating, The Journal of Social Psychology, 132:6, 751-769, DOI:10.1080/00224545.1992.9712105
How to Flirt With a Guy
1. Free Dating Sites
In order to improve self-esteem and learn the ropes, and, to just have some fun, free online dating sites offer the perfect opportunity for every woman to hone her ‘flirting skills.’
Whether online or off-line, the same basic rules apply. On dating sites one can engage in playful flirting without self-disclosing or self-exposing, and this is a tremendous confidence builder.
Employing the best pickup lines ever, is absolutely not intended only for men. There is no better place to practice fluent flirtatious banter, than online dating.
In particular, free online dating sites contain vast resources for the woman who is eager to learn how to respond to the best pickup lines in a confident and alluring manner, and many contain vast databases filled with techniques and tips for the student of romantic relationships.
2. Social Media
After building confidence and self-esteem on dating sites, it is time to gather the list of the best pickup lines collected and to move one step closer to the real brick and mortar world, by testing the newly acquired flirting skills on attractive men friended on Facebook.
Status updates now provide the opportunity to become really flirty.
Texting is the new talking. Texting is another perfect opportunity to round off flirting skills. It provides a perfect platform for making a really attractive and flirtatious impact on attractive potential love interests, because it is the world of the one-liner where the best pickup lines ever, can start bearing fruit.
5 Great Texting One-Liners
|Want to hear a secret?||No man in the world will be able to resist this. Men are mystified by women, and this will ensure a reply, and get a conversation going|
|Do you want to see the outfit I’m wearing tonight?||Do we need to light a torch to see the sun? The man that will ignore this has not been born yet. His fantasies will ignite, and he will dream of this enticing woman all night.|
|I had a dream about you last night.||Again, every red-blooded male will fixate on this, and to keep his fantasies intact he will really need to know what the dream was all about.|
|I can’t sleep. It’s your fault.||In his mind’s eye, this man will visualize the perfect version of her clad in nighties rolling around. He will not be able to sleep for the rest of the night.|
4. Face-to-face Flirting Techniques
Keep nodding to show agreement and engagement. Even when a woman rests her head in her hands, or – interestingly enough, on the back of a chair, points are scored.
Men love a woman’s hair, and they instinctively sense that a woman is attracted to them if she strokes and plays with her hair. By pulling her hair down, twirling it, flipping it or putting it up or down, a man’s senses will go on high alert.
Take advantage of your eyes by batting your eyelids while smiling simultaneously. Your expressions alone can be enough to take your crushes breathe away which will make him flirt with you in return.
Face / Mouth / Eyes
For men, a woman’s lips are one of the most sensual and attractive features. When she brings her lips into her mouth, bites her lips or licks it, men cannot keep their eyes off and become very aroused.
Pouting is an age-old feminine expression of submission and vulnerability, and few men can resist this gesture.
A woman with a great smile makes a man’s heart go weak and he is drawn irresistibly towards her.
Eyebrow flashing and raised eyebrows can be hypnotic. Research indicates that big eyes, mock anger and overemphasized facial expressions – as well as an exaggerated smile, all contribute to the level of attraction a woman can generate in a partner who is captivated by her flirtatious shenanigans.
A woman’s laughter is music to a man’s soul. Laughing at his jokes or gestures, giggling in a silly manner, even nervous laughter, are all ingredients of successful flirtation.
The faster a woman speaks, the more interesting and attractive a man will feel and the more interested he will become. The pitch of a woman’s voice is as important. Men are more attracted to women with high pitched voices. To men, this is a symbol of femininity, while a lower tone is considered more masculine.
To signal her interest and to maximize the man’s arousal and interest, lean towards the man. The longer a woman leans forward, the clearer the message delivered.
Never cross your arms, it makes you seem unapproachable and closed off to your crush. People usually cross their arms when they are nervous therefore make sure you avoid this.
Flipping your hair displays a flirtatious action that is very girly and feminine as it draws the attention of your crush to your beautiful hair. Playing with your hair in front of your crush, or flipping it, is a sure way to flirt with a guy and let him know that you are being flirtatious with him.
When you are wearing jewelry such as a necklace, you can also use your fingers to play with it. This draws the attention of your crush to your neckline which guys find to be a very attractive feature in a woman.
Touching is important, whether during the greeting or departure, or whether it happens accidentally on purpose, touch is very important in signaling interest.
Self-touching is a very feminine and very flirtatious phenomenon. Again, this may be playing with your hair or your jewelry in a very coy, sweet way.
As we have explained above, hand gestures are a very important part of the overall signaling in female flirting behavior.
When a woman wants to send a hidden message of attraction to a man, turning her wrists with open palms towards the man in one full motion does the trick.
Any hand movements contribute to the process of flirtation, whether she uses hand gestures to emphasize a point she is making or to just accompany speech. Also, if you are wearing a bracelet, you may want to play with it while talking.
5. Making Adjustments
Make adjustments to clothing. Any gesture that draws attention and especially any adjustment that exposes more skin (rolling up sleeves or skirt or pant legs) will work.
6. Glance and Glaze
It is advisable to smile (as coyly as possible) and lower the eyes. Winking works well too. A sideways look also works. If a woman gazes at the man, steadily and with intent, she also scores points.
The so-called coy gaze where a woman looks at the man for an instant before looking away, she signals shyness or modesty and men find this very alluring.
A woman’s legs play an important role in communicating her infatuation or attraction to a man.
The more she crosses and uncrosses her legs, cross her legs at the ankles or at the knee, the more the man will be transfixed.
One of the most important flirting techniques for women is interspersed in conversation. A woman can mesmerize a man by just asking him about stuff. Whether she asks advice, or personal questions, it all contributes to her message arriving loud and clear.
The same goes for being engaged and agreeable. The more she affirms what the man is saying or telling her, the more attractive she becomes in his eyes.
Encouragement & Support
Encouragement and support are considered by men to be primal feminine qualities. Light teasing can be another link in the chain, but is generally overrated and should not be over used. Teasing is to attempt to provoke in a playful way.
Remarkably enough for a world that is considered to be very material and overtly physical, conversational fluency rates very high on the flirtation scale.
A woman that can engage with a man in fluent and prolonged conversation will almost always get her man. Avoid interruptions and prolonged pauses and don’t appear to be hesitant.
A woman should never offer terse or abrupt answers and should always attempt to give long and detailed answers and offer as much personal information as she can. Men expect a woman to talk. Women are more verbal than men and happily talking and chatting is a real turn on for men.
Not only the amount of talking, but also the speed and intensity with which a woman talks, will draw her potential partner closer and closer to her.
Men are not attracted women who are overly self-promotional. They count modesty higher than self-promotion.
Sheer and tight clothing that show enough skin, especially red colors, complimented by a perfumes that are not overpowering and contain top or middle notes with pumpkin pie and lavender have been proven to work well. Men are visual creatures and if a woman looks alluring, he will notice.
Flirting has to be fun.
Every woman has the ability to flirt, but to some it seems to come a bit more naturally. As long as a woman is attracted to a man, this will more often than not create reciprocation.
At the end of the day a woman must remain a bit mysterious and a bit girly – that is, an alluring woman that needs protection and prefers the man to take the lead. Girls are as the old adage says, ‘sugar and spice and everything nice….’
It doesn’t hurt to play up the spicy and playful part of your personality. You will want to be confident, sassy, sexy, open, and playful in your flirting attempts, a recipe that can only lead your crush to flirt with you in return and want you even more.