We’ve all heard of a French kiss, but how many of us can say with hand on heart that we are true masters of the art? A good French kiss can either make or break a relationship.
So if you are unsure, need practice or just a technique brush up, stick with us. We will take you through the highs and lows of French kissing.
After we’ve finished with you, you’ll be a French kissing pro. Lips and tongues at the ready readers; let us teach you how to French kiss.
What is a French Kiss?
In its most basic terms, a French kiss is ‘a kiss involving insertion of the tongue into the partner’s mouth’. Ok, this doesn’t sound too romantic, so let’s put it another way. A French kiss is a deep and passionate kiss in which lovers’ tongues touch.
A French kiss is often slow, and is usually a precursor to sex or a sexual act at least. Much better.
So where does the name come from? Why French? Well the name itself, first used in the twentieth century, quickly became popular as slang for a sensual kiss.
The French have long been admired for their (ahem) skill as passionate and adventurous lovers and so the name stuck. Don’t worry, you don’t have to be French to indulge in such pleasures. You just need a bit of control, confidence and cool.
The science behind a good French kiss
Did you know that French kissing is actually good for you? What better excuse to indulge? There are several health benefits:
- Matthew Messina, consumer advisor for the American Dental Association suggests that the extra saliva produced when French kissing can actually wash bacteria off your teeth and break down oral plaque.
- French kissing can help you lose weight according to Professor Bryant Stamford. Stamford states, “During a really passionate kiss, you might burn two calories a minute” This is double your metabolic rate.
- Kissing is a form of meditation. Joy Davidson, psychologist, suggests kissing “stops the buzz in your mind, it quells anxiety.” She further explains “It actually produces a lot of the physiological changes that meditation produces.”
- French kissing can lower your blood pressure. Ryan Neinstein, M.D. states that our lips are composed of blood vessels. These become dilated when we kiss. “The blood is then directed toward the face and away from the rest of the body.” This lessens the demand on the heart and leads to lower blood pressure.
So now you know how good it is for you, it’s time to get started. Let’s begin with the basics of how to French kiss.
Where to start:
Knowing where to start when it comes to French kissing can be intimidating. But it’s important to remember that confidence can be a massive turn on. Don’t be afraid to take the first step and make a move. If you feel a bit unsure, follow these simple steps:
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- Move in close and rest your forehead against your partner’s
- Make eye contact with your partner
- Brush their lips with yours gently- don’t rush into the kiss
- Pull your partner’s body closer to yours
- Kiss their lips with more intensity
- Go in for the full Frenchie
Ok we know this sounds simple, but if you take away the nerves and anxiety that’s exactly what French kissing is. Sex experts suggest that you should start slowly and gain momentum, “Start by keeping your mouth relaxed and your kisses soft…at first,” advises Dr Nelson. She then suggests that once you find your rhythm, “you can increase the pressure and intensity.”
Let go of your insecurities
One of the biggest obstacles to creating the perfect French kiss is just that. The ‘perfect’ French kiss. Guess what? Striving to be perfect might actually cause you to fall short of your target.
Instead of worrying about being ‘perfect’ just enjoy the moment. If you are too busy concentrating on what you are doing, it’s likely you will seem distant. Lose yourself in kissing your partner.
Let your body just react and respond. It’s the perfect chance to show your partner just how much you want them.
Act on how your partner is responding
The way your partner reacts when you are kissing them can tell you a lot about how they feel. Most importantly, you should be aware of their body language and look for signals on how you should respond.
If your partner is hesitant in using their tongue, they may wish to take it slow.
As you get into your rhythm, you can begin to kiss with more pressure. As a result, this will be the perfect opportunity to see whether your partner is enjoying the moment.
If your partner’s breath is become more rapid, this is a signal they are having a good time. Similarly, if their hands are holding onto you, you’re doing a good job.
What to do with your hands?
Before we continue with what to do with your lips and tongue, we also need to talk hands. Where do they go and what do you do with them? It all depends on you and your relationship with your partner. Where you put your hands can act as a signal of your intentions post kiss.
Here are a few of the most popular options that could take a kiss and lead to more:
- In your partner’s hair- Running your hands through your partner’s hair whilst kissing can be incredibly passionate. It indicates how much you want them and can be quite forceful.
- Holding your partner’s face- This is a very romantic signal and suggests that you want your partner as close as possible. Intimacy is key here.
- On your partner’s body- Holding onto your partner’s body whilst French kissing suggests that you want to take things further. If you find your partner pulling at your clothes, you’re certainly in for more than a kiss.
As with what you should do with your mouth, overthinking what to do with your hands can ruin the moment. Therefore, just go with what feels natural. You can even mimic your partner’s actions if you are really unsure.
It’s all about your tongue.
The “Do’s” of French Kissing
Of course, a French kiss, is really all about how you use your tongue. Here it can get a little bit tricky. There is a very fine line between under-using and over-using your tongue, but achieving this balance is not out of reach.
1. Start slow.
To start with you should aim to begin slowly. Allow youself time to work your way into the kiss. It will also mean that you can gauge how your partner feels before you take the plunge.
Initially, you could maybe use your tongue to gently graze their lips. This is a sensual act and hints that you want more. Slightly open your lips and allow for room between your mouths.
Try not to force your tongue into their mouth. Instead slowly tease your partner by extending your tongue and pulling back. If your partner responds by doing the same, take this as a green light for more.
2. Be relaxed.
To perfect your technique you should try to relax your tongue. A rigid tongue is way too aggressive and will put your partner off.
Ok this might be the most obvious one, but you’d be surprised how often it gets overlooked. There is a lot to be said for breaking up your passionate kiss with a small breathing break.
This will give you time to breathe (obviously) but also let you look into your partner’s eyes. A lingering stare can really be a turn on. You can also slow down the tempo, which incredibly sexy and build up desire.
4. Have fun.
This goes without saying. You and your partner have already reached a stage where you find each other attractive. You also feel comfortable with each other. The hard part is over.
If you stop and think about it, kissing is actually quite funny. The action of locking lips with someone and getting your tongue involved is an amusing situation. Embrace the humour of the moment. If you don’t take it too seriously, it will lighten the mood and dissipate any nerves.
Laughing is also a great way to form a stronger bond with your partner, especially over things that other people might take seriously.
The “Do Not’s” of French Kissing
We’ve covered the do’s of French kissing, so here are the don’ts. Avoid any of these and it’s a one way ticket to lip-locking heaven.
1. Don’t use too much tongue.
A good French kiss should not be slobbery or wet. Try to keep your saliva output to a minimum.
Too much tongue in a French kiss can really ruin the moment. Take it easy. Don’t try to reach your partner’s tonsils with your tongue, a little goes a long way.
It is also important to avoid a spinning motion (think of a washing machine). This is not sexy or sensual. Your tongue should intertwine with your partner’s in a rhythmic motion.
2. Don’t overwhelm your partner.
Dr. Chris Donahue, suggests “Do not overwhelm with thrusting and tongue power; it’s about a gentle use of tongue to communicate interest or passion.”
Whatever you do, avoid sticking your tongue down your partner’s throat. This will only result in an awkward and embarrassing moment for both of you.
3. Don’t be afraid to mix it up.
The moment your lips meet your lover’s sparks fly and the heat rises.
However, if your stick to the same style this initial excitement can quickly fizzle out. In order to ensure this doesn’t happen, vary your technique by using your tongue to explore your partner’s mouth.
If you’re stuck for ideas, have a look here:
- Lick your partner’s lips a little before you kiss- this will let them know what they are in for
- Tease your partner by putting the tip your tongue into his/her mouth then pulling back
- Try sucking on his/her tongue (not weird, trust us!)
- Mix up your kiss combo. Play around with soft kisses, kisses on the neck and more intense kisses
4. Don’t forget hygiene.
Nothing kills passion more quickly than stinky breath. If you know a kiss is on the cards, do your partner a favor and chew on gum or throw in a mint beforehand.
Along those same lines, remember facial hair. Guys, it’s true… girls do love your stubble. It looks sexy and manly, but sometimes it scratches skin and lips and that can be quite painful. Unless your girl professes a deep love for a bit of stubble, try to keep it smooth. She’ll be very grateful for your consideration.
5. Don’t make assumptions.
We know the passion of a French kiss can be very arousing, but it isn’t always a green light for sex. Read how your partner responds before making any assumption and don’t force it.
Top Questions for French Kissing
What if you freeze and panic?
You aren’t alone if the thought of panicking mid-kiss plagues you with fear. There is no need to let this thought put you off, however. We have a fool-proof solution: if in doubt, let your partner take control.
No one is born an expert on how to French kiss, so don’t be afraid to make mistakes and learn from them.
How often should you french kiss?
Ok, so now you know how to French kiss, it’s important to think about how often you should do it.
We all know that the initial attraction and excitement of a new relationship doesn’t always last long. But it doesn’t have to be this way.
The excitement of a relationship can continue whether you’ve been together for two weeks or twenty years. Guess how? That’s right, a good French kiss.
Kissing is the perfect way to show your loved one how you feel about them. A good kiss shows desire, passion and love- who doesn’t want to be on the receiving end of that?
Dr Donaghue suggests, “The longer a couple is together the lazier they get about how much work they put into French kissing.” If you want to avoid this, then the lesson is simple. Laziness isn’t an option.
It is commonly known fact that French kissing is seen as a precursor to sex. However, once a couple get past the initial romance stage, kissing becomes less of a priority as sex is considered ‘guaranteed’.
“French kissing needs to remain a priority, especially in long-term relationships.” suggests Dr Donaghue.
What if it simply isn’t working?
You might find that your technique, or your partner’s, simply isn’t making sparks fly. If this is the case, don’t worry there is hope.
Talk about it. Before you run for the hills at the prospect of this, hold on. We know that when it comes to talking about sex problems with your partner, things can get a bit uncomfortable. However, the more you ignore it, the more the problem will grate on you.
Problems with a partner’s kissing technique is a common issue amongst couples. There are many ways you can broach the subject without making your partner feel insecure.
Remember to communicate.
Instead of being critical, try to advise your partner. Talk about what turns you on and what you like. That way your partner will know just how to press your buttons. Likewise, ask your partner what they like.
A relationship is a two-way street.
There is no correct way to French kiss. Do what feels good and what your partner loves and you cannot go wrong.
We suggest that you and your partner together write a list of turn ons and turns offs when it comes to French kissing. That way both parties will be able to identify what they like and take turns acting on their preferences.
We know that dipping your toes into the world of French kissing can be daunting. But it can also be fun and exciting.
Let go of your inhibitions and doubts and enjoy exploring and learning with your partner. If you have read our advice, you are in a great position to start enjoying kissing.
Like everything, practise really does make perfect and this is so true when learning how to French kiss. Sometimes it might go really well, other times it might go really wrong, but you will learn from these ups and downs.
Remember that there is no such thing as a kissing expert and there is no right way to French kiss. Find out what works for you and your partner.
So now you know the art of French kissing, there is nothing stopping you. Get out there, grab a partner and get your tongues twisting and lips locking. You’ll feel excitement, passion and arousal like nothing else.