As Neil Sedaka said in 1975, breaking up is hard to do. It’s true, a breakup can feel like the end of the world. The good news is you can move on and get over it.
What’s more, you will find love again!
A study by Michael Rosenfeld at Stanford University shows the longer you’re with someone, the less likely a breakup is.
For example, around 60% of couples in Rosenfeld’s study were no longer together just two months after the study began.
But, what does this data tell us about how to get over a girl? Well for starters, it helps a bit for you to know that couples break up all the time. You are definitely not alone when figuring out how to get over a girl.
Though it may be your first breakup there is a chance it will not be your last breakup. Breaking up and moving on is sometimes just a part of the journey.
Talk to your friends and family members and you will quickly realize they have all been through it and have had to learn how get over a girl.
How to move on
There is no sure-fire way of getting over a girl but there are definitely a lot of ways to speed up the process. Let’s take a look at some ways to ease the transition from taken to single.
Ok, it may be corny but time really is a healer. You need to cut yourself some slack and don’t expect to immediately bounce back as soon as you find yourself single.
Healing definitely takes time, even if you were the instigator of the breakup.
You won’t necessarily notice that you’re feeling better until one day you look back and remember a time when you felt worse. There are definite similarities with mourning a death and breaking up.
It is a type of grieving process and that does take some time. Allow yourself time to grieve, focus on the positive, and remember that the best is yet to come.
This girl isn’t the last fish in the sea. There are seven billion people in the world and it’s up to you to focus on the good that is ahead, not negatives or the past.
If you think negative thoughts you will feel bad, but if you can think about what you are thinking about during this grieving time and focus on the good in your life, it will help you get over the breakup.
Allow yourself to grieve
Yes, you can call it grieving. If you’ve been with your girlfriend for a long time or have experienced a particularly intense (no matter how brief) love with your girlfriend, you will feel a sense of grief.
This is ok.
Allow yourself to grieve this loss. It might even be possible for you to experience the five stages of grief as per the Kübler-Ross model.
The five stages are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.
If you didn’t make the choice to end the relationship, you might definitely feel denial, especially if this came out of the blue. Also, anger is very common.
You might be angry at your ex or even at yourself.
Remember, this will pass.
Bargaining often happens too. If you didn’t choose to end the relationship, you might find yourself nearly begging your ex to reconsider.
Finally comes acceptance. This is when the grieving process is complete. Remember, all these stages are perfectly normal and you will go through them.
The key is to do it in a healthy way, and not camp there for too long!
If you have an understanding about why the relationship ended, you are more likely to get over her quicker. Closure is like the acceptance stage in the five stages of grief.
It is important to get closure in order to fully heal.
Closure allows you to move on and be happy. You could try to get closure with your ex by asking the questions you need to know the answers to, even if they will be painful to hear.
You can also try to get closure by working through things step by step in your own mind.
A great way to find closure is to stop hating your ex.
This doesn’t mean you have to like her, of course, but it does mean that you’re not constantly processing negative thoughts. Going over and over the negatives in your mind is very counter-productive.
A healthy person will not hate their ex no matter what. So, stop focusing on the negatives and start to think of the positives and about your future. Your attitude is the one thing you always have control of.
Focus on yourself for a while
Now that you’re not in a relationship, you’re completely free to do as you please. If there were activities your ex didn’t like doing or food she didn’t like to eat, go experience those things!
Go to that restaurant, catch a ballgame or join a health club with the guys.
Don’t focus on getting back at her or hating her, focus on improving your life for the better.
Do things for your own happiness and wellbeing and take some time out for yourself. You can always simply spend more time with your friends and family that you had neglected while you were in a relationship.
And that is a good thing.
You might think writing a journal just isn’t your thing but bear with us. Apparently, writing expressively after a breakup can help you cope since it focuses on processing things cognitively (Pennebaker, 1997).
The American Psychological Association carried out some research which showed that writing can be a really positive thing to do after a breakup.
This research showed that it was certain types of writing that were beneficial and helpful in getting over an ex.
If people wrote about the positive aspects of their breakup, they felt an increase in positive emotions in general. It simply proves that it is more beneficial for you to focus on the positives in life rather than the negatives.
Face it, things in life can sometimes be better, but they can always be worse.
It may be a cliché but everything in life is really just a lesson. Seeing your relationship as a lesson is a really great way to move on and get over a girl.
While you might not have done anything directly or knowingly wrong to cause the breakup, you will have learned a lot along the way. Think about the things your ex taught you.
Perhaps she introduced you to a new genre of music. Maybe you developed a love of fine wine or indie films.
There will certainly be many positive things that have happened because of your relationship, so it’s really important to find them, appreciate them and focus on them.
Find a way to put a positive spin on the negative.
If you need distance from your ex in order to get over her, make sure you get the distance you need.
Block her from social media, delete her number, go to different bars.
Limiting your exposure to her can help ease the pain a little.
Ask for help
Don’t feel as though you have to wallow alone in self-pity. If you’re feeling low and in need of a boost, there’s plenty of help to be had.
For one, your family and friends will be there to lend an ear or a shoulder to cry on.
Don’t be afraid to ask for help, breaking up is something that most people can relate to so there’s no need to feel shame or embarrassment if you find that you aren’t coping with it very well.
You can also always find a professional counselor.
If you’re okay with talking to family and friends and are happy to open up to them, that’s great.
Many people simply need their friends and families to be a supportive ear when they want them to be.
Set limits with your family about what you’re willing to discuss. Let them know if they can ask questions or if you’d just rather they listened.
Also, make it clear to them if you don’t want them to bad-mouth your ex-girlfriend. Some people find that this just only makes them feel worse.
Throw away physical reminders
If you’ve still got photos around your home or a keychain she bought you, it might be time to consider getting rid of them or at least putting the photos away until you’re sure you know what you want to do with them.
Some people throw these reminders out and others will just store them away for years down the road when they want to do some reminiscing.
How to get over a breakup where cheating was involved
Breaking up is hard, but breaking up when cheating occurred is a double blow. If you’re wondering how to get over a girl who has cheated on you, then you will need support from someone you can trust.
After all, having gone through this, trusting someone right now isn’t going to be easy.
Don’t let your feelings control you. It’s up to you to stay in control of your emotions. Whether it’s your parents, friends, siblings or a trusted colleague, open up to someone about what you’ve been through.
Getting the emotional support from a friend or family member will give you the chance to offload all of your feelings and begin to make sense of them.
Many people who’ve been cheated on seek help from a professional counselor.
There is no shame in doing this.
It means that you can be fully open and don’t have to worry about burdening your loved ones with your sorrows.
Don’t forget, just because you’ve been cheated on in the past, does not mean that every girl is going to cheat on you. So, it’s important not to get too down or become jaded because you had a painful experience.
Remember the old adage, what doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger! Consider it a learning and growing opportunity and keep focused on the good up ahead.
How to get over unrequited love
Many argue that it’s not possible to fall in love with someone before you’re actually a couple and have spent the time building a relationship.
Many say that love unrequited love is merely an infatuation.
Whether that’s true or not, it doesn’t matter. If your feelings for someone are real to you and they can’t be reciprocated, then the same healing process may be required.
According to Gary W. Lewandowski Jr., a psychology professor at Monmouth University, unrequited love happens in many different forms.
It could be that you’re really into someone but she’s already taken, you have a secret crush that will just never happen, or you’re still in love with an ex from years ago.
Whatever the type of unrequited love, there are ways to help you rid yourself of the burden.
Cut contact for a month.
This is obviously something that you might have to be subtle about if the girl involved doesn’t know how you feel about her. You need to stop seeing her in person as well as online.
After the month is up, really try to do some introspection and see if your feelings have diminished and if you could see her or spend time with her without being pulled emotionally back into unhealthy feelings.
Otherwise, keep it up and keep your distance in every way.
Tell her that you need space.
If the girl already knows your feelings, then you don’t have anything to lose by being honest with her.
You may just have to tell her that it’s not healthy for you to continue in the friendship right now. You can always say you’ll reach out to her when you’re ready.
Remember though, you don’t need to justify your actions. If she’s a good friend that you’ve inadvertently fallen in love with, she’s just going to have to accept that you can’t continue the friendship – at least for a while anyway.
Remind yourself why you’re great!
Just because you’ve fallen for someone who doesn’t feel the same as you, its not all doom and gloom.
Chances are you have not met the right person yet and that you will find someone who feels the same one day, but you’re not going to ever get there if you’re pursuing a love that won’t go anywhere.
Remind yourself you are great and have a great future with someone wonderful who will appreciate you for you.
The word rejection comes from Latin and it means to throw back. When you break up with a girl, it can certainly feel like all of those months or years have been thrown back in your face.
Rejection hurts. Being rejected is never a nice feeling but it is a part of life.
In order to overcome rejection, you need to take charge. Rejection is something that happens to us; we are passive to it.
There are many ways, however, to fight the feeling of being rejected. Humans are highly motivated to seek approval in all aspects of their lives. We are hardwired to be social beings that stick together in groups.
We are made for community and for connection.
According to Psychology Today, getting over a breakup can be just as difficult as getting over an addiction to cocaine. Apparently, Stony Brook University has even produced research to prove that argument.
They said that brain imagery for a cocaine craving shows similarities that happen after romantic rejection.
No wonder getting over a girl is difficult!
Entering the dating scene after a breakup
It can be a daunting task to get back into the dating game after a breakup, particularly if you were together for a long period of time.
It can seem exhausting to go through all the initial starting points again but it’s the only way you’re going to find love again.
And finding love again is a really great way to get over a girl! Here are some tips for returning to dating:
Take yourself out
This might sound a little bit ridiculous but you do need to nurture yourself and date yourself before launching yourself back in the game.
You need to find the best ‘you’ again.
Nobody is in a good place immediately after a breakup! Spend some time focused on your hobbies, taking walks, and figuring out what you like doing all over again.
Bottom line, take some time to heal.
This doesn’t mean you have to do it alone, but do spend time with friends and family rather than jumping in to another relationship that may not be right.
Don’t put any pressure on yourself.
Enjoy how it feels to flirt with someone again. Have no expectations. Practicing flirting in everyday situations will help you when you want to flirt and are genuinely interested in another girl.
Grab your best shirt and hit the town with the guys. Don’t expect to meet anyone but if you do, this is a really great way of getting to know someone without the pressure of a first one-on-one date.
Try a new type of dating
Give something new a whirl! Try online dating or speed dating. You may as well have a laugh while you’re doing it and you’ve got nothing to lose. Try a new online dating site and just start to meet some new people.
Getting back in the dating game can be really scary but the only thing that is holding you back is your past. Let go of previous relationships and problematic exes and move on without fear.
Hopefully, after reading this, you’re feeling a little bit more positive about your situation. You can get over her and you will get over her.
So, quit Googling ‘how to get over a girl’ and start taking steps to move on.
It may feel like the end of the world for you right now. But remember, the end of the world is the end of the world. This is just a moment in time that will pass.
Even though your feelings are real, remember feelings are fickle and they change rapidly. Accept them for what they are. Accept your emotions.
But, consider this: how worse could things be? Yes, that’s right, it’s all about perspective.
Your heartbreak and pain won’t necessarily go away immediately by putting things into perspective but it is important to remember that you do have blessings in your life and not everything in it is negative.
What’s more, it’s likely that there’s someone out there who is going through a much tougher situation than you are right now. That’s not to diminish your pain, but there is always someone with a worse situation.
Dust yourself off, work through your emotions and allow yourself to heal.
When is the right time to seek love again? Only you will know. Don’t set a timetable, there’s no rush at all. Take things slowly and enjoy being single for a while.
Do all of those things that being in a relationship meant you couldn’t do.
You’ll know when it’s time to date again and when the time comes, enjoy that feeling of butterflies in your stomach again.
You’ll soon realize that being dumped was actually a good thing – it allows you to fall in love with someone all over again!