You can manage the introduction, but beyond that, you’re hopelessly adrift.

So you’re not a silver-tongued devil; that’s okay. Just because keeping your end of the conversation up with members of the opposite sex is not your forte doesn’t mean you can’t pick up some pointers and change your game.

How to talk to a girl

If you want to know how to keep a conversation going with a girl, you have to understand women, first. Otherwise, there’s going to be a lot of floundering involved. 

Understanding Women

To begin with, females, like men, are not all that mysterious, despite all of the best-selling books to the contrary.

Ladies, as a general rule, are giving, nurturing souls that take the time to know the people they surround themselves with on a personal level and have genuine concern for them.

They also tend to be more accepting and open-minded than men. 

But getting back to their concern for a moment, women ask questions because they are sincere in their interest of you. They really do want to know how you are when they ask.

These queries are also a way to learn about you on a deeper level, in order to better understand you. It’s a way to share experiences and bond. 

Of course, your goal is to get to know her better, or you wouldn’t be trying to figure out how to keep a conversation going with a girl. Here are some points to bear in mind on the subject:

Follow Her Lead

Chances are the girl you’re trying to fan the conversation flames with has asked you questions.

Pick up on what she’s laying down and ask the same types of questions in kind. One of the great components about making inquiries is where it can lead you.

Before you know it, you’ve chased down more than one rabbit hole and then resurfaced hours later on an entirely different topic.

Mirroring

There is something called mirroring where subconsciously when people are in a conversation with someone they like, they tend to mirror or ape the other person’s behavior based on body language and various other cues that person is emitting.

Mirroring

If you can read her style and get in step, you’ll relax, and the conversation will flow more naturally.

It should be noted that this particular pointer only works if she’s pretty chill herself. Closed-off or guarded body language is not something you want to emulate or aspire to. 

Keep it Light

This is solid advice for anyone who is conversing with an individual they aren’t well acquainted with—especially one they’re drawn to physically or romantically.

All About Her

Some women are more prone to discussing themselves than others. If she wants to talk, let her run with it.

It takes an awful lot of pressure off of you, and you can learn a whole lot about her that way without even trying.

In fact, you may be able to discern whether you have any real desire to take it a step further and exchange phone numbers. 

But, because not everybody is a chatterbox, it’s worth pointing out that by keeping the conversation primarily focused on her, she will take it as a sign of your bona fide interest.

Man and Woman Sharing a Laugh

As we discussed earlier, this means something to most women. 

Now you’re connecting on her level—even if in all reality you’re not. It’s all about appearances, at least at first. If you realize you really do like her, it’s time to pay better attention.

Quality Over Quantity

Asking some quality questions or using original subject matter is fine, but if you choose the latter, be careful how much you improvise. You could run short in a hurry.

We’ll get into the difference between the two shortly.

Pausing for Breath

Pay attention to pauses. Sometimes they’re prolonged, but the speaker isn’t finished speaking yet.

It’s awkward when you talk over the top of someone else’s sentence, so take a deep breath before jumping in until you get the hang of their cadence and speech patterns.

On the other hand, pregnant pauses can also be uncomfortable.

Don’t panic.

Ideally, once you get to know each other, assuming you do, your ability to sit silently side by side for long periods of time and be perfectly at peace with it is what will count. That’s comfortable. 

Offer Up

Providing unsolicited information about yourself of an intriguing nature is another way to keep the conversation going with a girl.

Just make sure it’s not too quirky too soon.

There’s plenty of time for allowing your nerdy or wild side out once you get to know each other at length.

Razor’s Edge

It’s all about coming off as interested and appearing confident.

She’ll be flattered that you’re curious about her, and attracted by your cool persona.

It’s a win-win for you—just don’t blow it by coming off as too cocky or prying with your line of questioning. You don’t want to be remembered as a player or a stalker.

It’s a fine line you’re walking here.

Topical Conversations

Try incorporating topical subject matter into your dialogue.

Unless you’re a hermit or an IT guy, this approach for how to keep a conversation going with a girl is almost as effortless as just letting her run herself down taking about, well, her.

Topics of conversation

Here are some suggestions to get you started. Once you see the types of topics we’re referring to, you’ll be able to fill in the blanks quickly enough on your own.

Pop Culture

Almost everyone watches TV, reads magazines or journals, is a fan of movies, theater, music, etc. Pick a place and start. It’s as simple as that. If she doesn’t like one, she’s bound to like another. Don’t stress.

Sports

Don’t count her out just because she’s a female when it comes to sporting events. She may be an even bigger die hard Laker fan than you are.

You never know until you broach the subject. If her face pinches up at the mention of athletics beyond personal fitness, move on.

Staying in Shape

Speaking of fitness, this is another topic you can bust out of the deck of conversation starters. She may be into all kinds of cool activities for staying in shape or self-defense, so feel free to inquire.

Topics to Avoid When You’re Trying to Talk to a Girl

There are undoubtedly more things you can talk about when determining how to keep a conversation going with a girl, but there are a few subjects it’s best to avoid.

At least until you know each other better. Some are pretty much no-brainers, but others might surprise you.

Man and Women Laughing Together
  • Global Warming — Try to avoid eco topics in the beginning. You don’t want to inadvertently set her off because it’s a touchy subject that it turns out she’s passionate about. Greenhouse effect, water shortages, hunger in third world countries…try and save it for another day.
  • Politics — Way to burn the house down right from the get-go. If you’re too young to know yet, you don’t want to talk politics or the next item we’re going to bring up unless you’re willing to risk a civil war.
  • Religion — Well, duh, don’t tell us you didn’t see that coming. Religion is another barnburner of a topic, especially in mixed company, so shelve it for now.
  • Exes — Leave your prior partners out of the conversation, if you know what’s good for you. This is the last topic she’ll want to plunge with you.
  • Prior Sexual Experiences — Oh no you didn’t! The number of partners you’ve had or the number of positions you’ve tried should be left entirely off the table if you’re sincere in your desire to keep a conversation going with a girl you just met.
  • Money — Your financial situations should never arrive, either, when trying to keep the conversation going. 
  • The Future — Idle talk about marriage and kids, as in yours, is a major misstep in your game plan if you hope to keep chatting with the female you’ve managed to strike up a confab with. 
Topics to avoid on a date
  • TMI — Too much information too soon can be the kiss of death in the early stages of getting to know someone. This can include secrets. Try and hold back.
  • Drama — Regardless of what it’s stemming from, leave the drama for your mama, because no one wants to hear about it.
  • Gossip — If you’ve just met her, it’s likely there’s nothing in common to gossip about. Even if there is, you don’t want to come across as an old woman with nothing better to do with her time except spread rumors—true or not.
  • Objectification — Be cautious with your phrasing with a girl you want to talk to. Remember, you’re not with your buddies, so don’t inadvertently use objectifying language around her.

How to Keep a Conversation Going with a Girl

Now that we’ve explored some of the landmines you’ll have to dance around, here are some tips for ways to improve your odds with the gal you’re trying to make time with..

Sweet Talk

Try and think of something sweet to say to her without coming off as a complete and utter cheese ball.

We’re not talking about pickup lines.

It could be something more closely resembling a compliment or something supportive.

As an example, you could say she seems too poised and/or intelligent to be passed over for a promotion in response to a comment she made about her job. 

Be Flexible

Coming across as rigid or inflexible is a turn off.

Try and go with the flow and be spontaneous.

Nobody is saying you have to reinvent yourself as mister fly by the seat of his pants, but a willingness to be flexible and open-minded shows a cool, casual confidence and a relaxed outlook that can be sexy.

Be Yourself

Of course, it’s hard not to be nervous when meeting new people—particularly women.

But if you can manage to be yourself—assuming the real you is better than the nervous or tongue-tied version of you—you’ll enjoy yourself more, which will come through in the conversation.

But if you can manage to be yourself—assuming the real you is better than the nervous or tongue-tied version of you—you’ll enjoy yourself more, which will come through in the conversation.

Honesty

No one likes a phony or a liar, so be honest in your replies and concerning your life goals and accomplishments. If it goes any farther, the truth will all come out, anyway, so keep it real.

Even Keel

Don’t come on too strong, or you risk looking like a lounge lizard. Try and maintain an even keel between your real feelings for her and the ones you’re attempting to project.

She should know you’re intrigued, not desperate to get in her pants or to play the part of a lothario.

Exit Lane

It’s always smart to leave things on a high note—no matter how much fun you’re having or how badly you don’t want it to end.

Having a definitive exit strategy where you leave while you’re still looking good in her eyes will likely lead to a phone number, so know when to bow out gracefully.

Age Appropriate Topics of Conversation 

Depending on her age and education level, the girl—or woman— you’re trying to talk to may not be as pulsed by trivial matters such as pop culture.

Actually, she doesn’t even have to be more mature in a literal sense as much as her emotional maturity matters.

Couple Talking by computers

Here is a list of some elevated subject matter that you can run by her instead that’s safe—just make sure you have something to contribute.

  • Historical Facts — If you’re a history buff, put out feelers and see if she is, too. You could end up in some enthralling conversations with this topic.
  • Archeology — If old bones and ancient relics is more your thing, try it on for size with her. She may be even more informed on the topic than you.
  • Architecture — Have an eye for design? This is a super popular convo to get started on that can reveal a shared passion you both hold dear.
  • Overseas Travel — Discussing your favorite foreign travel destinations is an excellent way to keep a conversation going, as well. You can compare notes on places you’ve both been or soon want to be.
  • Art — Exploring creative arts, such as paintings, sculptures, photography, glasswork, and the likes can be a wonderful way to while away your time together.
  • Books — If you’re both avid readers, books and authors can keep you occupied for a significant spell.
  • Geography — While it may sound like a snore fest for some, others will enjoy talking about it, so don’t sell them short if you do, too.
  • Cooking — Food is something everyone can add their two cents to. Unless she’s got an eating disorder, which ought to be apparent, culinary exchanges are perfectly acceptable parleys, too.
  • Stage Productions — Not everyone is hip to the latest goings on with television and movies, but the stage, opera, or symphony orchestras with a little more sophistication might be more her thing.
    • While there’s no harm in finding out, don’t trap yourself in a conversation you can’t get out of gracefully if it becomes apparent you’re in over your head. 

Again, try not to pass yourself off as something or someone you’re not here. You’ll get busted and look like a poser or a player for sure.

  • Space Exploration — This one is a wild card, but you never know where you can go with it. Perhaps she’s a sci-fi fan, or she’s always been dazzled by the moon and the stars. You could talk about Mars and whether you’d be willing to colonize it. 
  • Nature — Maybe she’s into wildlife or hiking mountaintops, but a shared love of communing with nature might take you somewhere you both want to go. You never know; it may lead to your camping under the stars together some night.

How to Keep the Conversation Going with a Girl

If you’re still stumped after pouring over all of this information, there’s probably not much more we can do to help.

The ball, as they say, is in your court now.

Just try and keep it casual and real, be honest and attentive, and say something sweet or complimentary—then pull out the big guns and win her over with all of the brilliant commentary you have in store for her courtesy of your recent tutorial. You can’t miss.

Tips for talking to a girl

On a final note, if you should happen upon a topic that—unbeknownst to you—is taboo or somehow sets her off, don’t panic.

Casually but deftly steer the conversation back round to any of the other subjects we’ve outlined for you in the safe zone and give it another shot. You’re bound to hit on something sooner or later if it’s in the cards.

Just be patient.