In an ideal world, we’d like to think that we will all fall madly in love with that ‘one person’. That our hero or heroine will save us and we’ll all live happily ever after. In reality, it’s not like that. Hearts get broken, people fall out of love, and sometimes; one before the other.
So how to stop loving someone?
It’s a horrible feeling to feel unloved and even more, if you are head over heels or madly in love with the other person in the relationship who unfortunately doesn’t feel the same. A break up is hard for anyone, especially when it’s one-sided…or if it at least feels that way.
The world will feel like it’s caving in like there’s no hope and that we won’t feel anything other than hurt and grief. Trust me, here at meetopolis.net, we have some of the best tips and advice to help a lonely-hearted person move on with their lives.
1. Distance yourself
If people feel scared, hurt or afraid of something then they tend to not be around whatever it is that triggers them. So, why would it be different for people who have broken up?
If someone is finding it hard splitting up with their partner, especially if they still love them, then it usually a good idea to get that distance in place. Try to avoid places that might mean you bump into the ex-partner. That ‘usual’ coffee shop, the local shop that is in the middle of both your places or maybe just a work canteen if that’s the link.
A number one piece of advice is to STOP all contact on social media.
Whether it’s Facebook, Instagram or Twitter, unfollow your ex and block them. Our team knows how hard it is to remove yourself from social media altogether, and chances are that it’s a great outlet to vent or speak to friends at times like this.
Remove the ex and give the both of you the space needed. Don’t contact them, keep the distance and let yourself breathe. Another key point is to not let the devil side of the brain decide the next decision made.
It’s imperative not to stalk our ex-partners, it is not helpful to anyone. Following members of the opposite sex that happen to be on their friend’s list is a big ‘no-no’, also getting in contact with their family members and trying to explain yourself really needs to be avoided.
2. Remove triggers.
With anything that’s fearful or scary, we not only have to distance ourselves, but we also have to remove certain object, items or reminders.
If there’s a death in a family and someone is grieving, what’s the best way to instantly keep the triggers of pain away? Usually, people remove pictures, maybe sentimental objects that bring those feelings of loss and grief up into the heart.
It’s the same for a breakup.
There’s nothing worse than looking and seeing a picture of yourself and an ex-partner together, looking happy and in love. Or maybe, keeping that teddy that they bought you for Valentine’s Day on the bed.
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Seriously, get a box, take the pictures down and hide all objects that might evoke emotion.
Other pieces of advice are to use visual imagery. Maybe imagine all those triggers in a balloon and that they’re rising into the sky and away from the heart and mind.
If it’s a physical visualization, then maybe have a little ceremony and bin the objects or burn them. Either way, it’s important to not waste too much time dwelling and grieving. It’s time to move on!
3. Take a break.
As with anything traumatic, the last thing a person needs is to sit in their home or workplace and dwell on the ‘what ifs’ or ‘buts.’
How about totally disassociating with everything and getting away to a totally different location, somewhere sunny, the opposite of cold or somewhere in a busy urban area to help get your mind off things.
Whether it’s on your own or with the girlfriends or boyfriends, take off to somewhere different. It might just be somewhere in a different town or state, maybe even a cheap holiday abroad on last-minute booking sites. Set challenges, make it fun and find that next super deal.
It might be a case of ‘but money’s tight.’ Don’t panic! Here at Meetopolis.net, the team believes that this is not an excuse.
Go out on a day trip. Take a camera, a picnic, maybe your favorite snack or a sketchbook. Either way, getting out and away is better than sitting in alone and dwelling on the negative.
4. Focus on the flaws, not the favorites.
We all have flaws. Some of us more than others. It may seem difficult right now to see any in that ex-partner. However, as many people say ‘time’s a healer’ and sometimes it’s better to get to this point rather than occupying the mind with all the ‘good times.’
Take a moment, breathe and think of all of the times that the relationship created sadness or angst. Ultimately, the reason that the relationship broke down and came to an end.
Why did things not work out? What wasn’t working well?
On this note, it’s also important to let go of any anger. There might be a lot of negative emotions that come to the forefront of the mind when reflecting back. More so, hurt and upset at the fact that these things couldn’t be altered soon enough.
However, try to use gratitude not grief in this situation. It’s important to be realistic and realize what might occur in the future for both parties, not what has been lost. It’s all part of a single human’s journey.
5. Use mindfulness.
Nowadays, mindfulness and meditation are a key element of a calm, peaceful and stress-free life. What better time to use these techniques and mindfulness apps like ‘Headspace’ or ‘Breathe’ to take time to breathe the hurt and negativity out.
Sometimes, in times of distress and pain, it is hard to give yourself the time and energy needed to mend and heal those wounds.
We think that setting a timer on the phone and making that bit of effort to put some of the days aside is one of the best pieces of advice.
Starting off with a shorter session is usually advised, not putting too much pressure on the body or mind. Maybe beginning with five minutes of steady breathing or listening to a nice piece of music.
Then, as the progression occurs, extend this ‘you-time’ by five-minute increments until the feeling and time become more comfortable.
6. Get support.
When people struggle, support is sometimes needed. There’s nothing to be ashamed about if a break-up causes a ‘bad patch’ of depression, negativity or anxiety. It’s important that we all use our friends and family as our support network in hard times such as these.
Get on the internet, maybe even Facebook. There are plenty of groups and memes to keep encouraging the mind and soul.
Talking to people going through similar is a huge advantage in not feeling alone and sometimes we get the best advice from people who have been there themselves.
Go find yourself a good church support group. Churches always have plenty of support groups and home groups to help you through a difficult time.
Even if we aren’t comfortable speaking to a stranger, in reality there’s always someone there. Friends are key in every aspect of our lives.
Whether it’s joining us on that holiday, going out for a beverage and a chat, maybe even a walk. Our friends are there to help, just as we would be for them.
7. Move on.
Looking to the future, looking ahead and moving on with our lives is key in any trauma or unfortunate circumstance. We mentioned earlier in our article about time being a healer and trust us, it really it.
Despite the breakup, and your attempt to stop loving someone makes us feel like the world has ended, in reality, it hasn’t. The end of the world is the end of the world.
But you’re not alone…
A breakup is something that millions of people all over the world get through every year. It’s hard to disassociate with the past and present, but it really is essential. What use is looking back when we cannot change the past.
It’s been said a rear-view mirror is small, because we are to glance behind us only infrequently. But the windshield is huge in comparison, because we are to put our focus on what is in front of us, not what is behind us.
Finding new activities; maybe a new hobby like an instrument or drawing. Even cleaning out your wardrobes or rearranging your furniture or painting a room a new color can help to feel like it’s a new start and beginning.
One of our team even suggested going through your wardrobe and throwing out all of those old clothes that make you feel miserable. It’s just time for a new beginning.
8. Try meeting new people
Meeting new people can be daunting. However, that’s normal we’re all only human. Why not try going on websites like Meetup or Bumble. Meeting new people and distracting yourself can help you stop loving someone because it distracts the mind and changes the mind’s train of thought.
It’s a known fact that if you repeat an action or mantra over and over, then the brain or subconscious then becomes adapt to that way of thinking.
Similarly, if we bring cognitive behaviors such as getting out of the house or meeting new friends into our lives more, this becomes easier and much more enjoyable. We don’t even feel the same anxieties anymore!
Our team loves going out on work-nights. Whether it’s having a drink, going to do karaoke with friends or simply chatting and laughing over a cup of tea at Starbucks. There’s usually an unexpected occurrence that makes us grateful for making the decision to go out.
9. Start dating again.
Our team believes that moving on and forward in your dating life should always happen when the time is right. You are the only one to decide when it is right for you.
However, it’s important not to leave the dating world too long. If we constantly put things off, then to introduce them back into our routine becomes incredibly hard. Like they say, get back on the horse after the fall sooner or later.
There are so many dating sites out there, even if it encourages people to meet new friends, it’s much better than dwelling on what has been and the ex-partner that is part of the ‘how to stop loving someone’ journey. So many people talk about these sites; swiping left or right or joining in with the conversations can be fun.
A brilliant distraction for us all is to feel good about ourselves and what better way to do that than to maybe go out for dinner with someone who’s going to treat you like a prince or princess. Even if it’s just for a friendship we all deserve to feel wanted and worthy.
10. Discover what makes you ‘tick’.
Rejuvenation and exploration are parts of every human’s journey. When a big change occurs, this can sometimes be daunting and scary. We feel like it’s fearful to move on or change who we are.
It’s time to stop!
What is it that makes us happy? Whatever it is that gives individual energy and keeps the endorphins flowing, it’s important to add it to your life.
Sometimes, people like to explore the simple pleasures in life again. The outdoors, seeking God or finding your peace.
It may be joining a gym with a friend and working out daily to get the endorphins flowing.
Exploring new things in life that maybe we didn’t know we liked or enjoyed is always good.
11. Stop expecting the unexpected.
‘What if we did this?’ What if we did that?’ ‘What if’, ‘how’ and but.’ They’re all words that go around and around in everyone’s heads with most day to day activities, more so at times of breakups and trauma when we don’t want something to have happened.
It’s SO EASY to get in a spiral of downward thinking.
The self-doubt, thinking that we should have done something different in our lives to have changed an outcome or someone else’s decision.
It’s all a load of nonsense though.
Did you know you can control your thought life? You do not have to think on everything that falls into your mind. Begin to practice thinking on things that are good and positive. Not the dreadful negative thoughts that may bombard your mind.
Acceptance is key in moving on and living life as normally as we can again.
Our team believes that kicking out the worry and hope that ‘maybe we’ll get back together’ or ‘what if we had done this instead’ is just the worst.
Don’t do it. The reality it, what will be, will be and what has happened, as unfortunate as it may be, has happened. Accept. Live and Move on. There is too much good ahead of you to get caught up in things outside of your control.
12. Exercise and keep moving.
Moving forward isn’t just a mental journey, it’s physical as well. Keeping fit and healthy is an essential part of anyone’s life. It’s a known fact that by getting our blood pumping, we ensure that our good endorphins keep flowing.
So when we feel sad, we need to move!
Our team loves to turn up the music and work out, bike ride, rollerblade, go running or go to they gym.
You may also want to join fitness classes; play soccer, baseball or tennis. Not only do you keep your body in shape, but you also get to meet new people while expanding your skillset.
13. Don’t isolate yourself.
It’s a given that keeping ourselves to ourselves and indoors alone is not helpful to any Tom, Dick or Harry. Because being on our own is counterproductive, it’s important to maintain a routine and do activities as normal.
It’s not realistic to stop going to work. We need to be earning. Nor is it beneficial to not see friends or family. They’re not going to bring our ex-partner back. So why would we stop doing the things we love? We all deserve to be happy and live life the best we can.
As a team, we have drawn up a little list of things we think that should be a must!
- Say yes to an invitation. Be that yes man or woman and change that mindset!
- Ask a trusted person to be by your side if you’re feeling anxious.
- Maintain independence and do everything possible to stay healthy and fit!
- Join a church support group
- Join a meetup group when you are all alone
The Final Word
So, how to stop loving someone? Although initially it can be challenging, it becomes easier as time goes on. Especially as you begin to accept the circumstances as a positive rather than a negative.
There’s lots of material out there to help us get over breakups and heartache as well. ‘How to Get Over Anyone’ by M.Farouk Radwan is a great book to read over and one that we here at Meetopolis.net love! It’s sassy, easy to follow and makes the dark seem light again.
Other great reads are ‘How to stop Loving Someone’ by Joan Connor and ‘Tiny Beautiful Things’ by Cheryl Strayed. Both books are useful in moving on with life and accepting the little, but beautiful moments again. Perfect for this type of situation.
Whether it’s books, exploring a new article on the internet or that wonderful conversation with a friend or someone close. These ideas are just a few of how to stop loving someone.
At the end of the day, we all deserve happiness and happiness comes from a lot of people, not just one person.
Time does heal wounds.
So, find other people to focus on, go volunteer and go bless some other people, and you in turn will make progress in your journey of how to stop loving someone.