“Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood.” ~Oscar Wilde, The Sphinx without a Secret, 1891
While this isn’t necessarily true, since antiquity, poets, philosophers, musicians and regular men have lamented how difficult it is to understand the delightful creature that is woman.
It is amazing that while humans are the same species, the motivations of women often make men as confused as a chameleon in a bag of Skittles.
Here are some quick tips to understand, talk to and date women.
**Necessary Caveat: Every woman is different so no one thing will relate to all of them. Don’t take these as gospel, take them as insight.**
Women’s Fantasies of Men
From a very young age, girls are bombarded with what “the perfect man” is. It can be difficult as men when they are told to be “alpha” and “sensitive” at the same time. So what do women really desire and fantasize about in men? There are 4 qualities that top the list of attributes women want: confidence, leadership, image and power. They want someone who has passion and is motivated. You don’t have to be a high earner if you are working hard to get your start-up off the ground. They want to feel protected and safe in your arms, yet able to tell you anything without fear of reprisal. But most of all, they want a man that lets them be them and that is secure in who he is, aka, not jealous.
How They Think
Most every man, at some point, has said or done something that set off a woman, whether it be a mother, sister, friend or mate. And, many times, the man has no idea what he said or did wrong.
For the most part, women are communicators and supporters. If she comes home from work complaining that her feet hurt, a man’s natural reaction might be to offer to get her new shoes. He is looking for a solution while all she is looking for is support and empathy. “That’s too bad honey, did you have to be on your feet a lot today?” Then, listen to her.
Understand Their Love Language
Based on a book entitled The Five Love Languages, this is a theory that every woman has a way of expressing and receiving love and these differ between women.
The five are: receiving gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service, and touch. When she is around people she loves, like family and friends, does she compliment them a lot (words of affirmation)? Does she enjoy finding the perfect presents (receiving gifts) for her friends? Or is she a super snuggler (touch)? However she shows love to other people is usually the way she wants it reciprocated.
How To Date
You’ve heard women say they want a man to take charge but sometimes he’s afraid to fail. Yes, women enjoy it when a man has a plan.
If you are worried, give her an option or two. “I’ve found two restaurants that look good. One’s Italian and one’s sushi. Which sounds best to you?” That way you’ve shown your leadership skills (alpha), yet shown that you care about her feelings (sensitive.)
Hunt Ethridge is a Hoboken-based dating consultant and a fashion writer. Currently, he is the Senior Dating Coach at New York Dating Coach (www.newyorkdatingcoach.com).