What is dating supposed to be? Not what it is, but what it’s supposed to be.
Dating is supposed to be FUN! That’s right, fun.
That doesn’t mean that it is fun, but the theoretical goal is to have fun. Unfortunately, for many people, it is anything but fun, especially in your 40s or 50s.
You get home, you go online to your dating site. You email back a few people, look around, send an email or wink at people. At the same time you make sure that you are going out at least once a week to meet new people and still try and squeeze some dates in there as well. It can end up being taxing and you might actually get burnt out.
If someone met you out and you were cynical, tired and frustrated, they are probably not looking at you as prime dating material.
Sometimes, you have to take a step back reconnect with fun!
Out With the Bad, In With the Good
Every once in a while, you need to purge out all the bad dating energy and refill yourself with some good energy. Many times, in the quest to make your way in the world and to find a partner, or to run a single parent household, your own needs and desires get shunted to the side.
Ask yourself what you have done recently for fun that is just for fun’s sake. Many times it’s a hobby that you haven’t picked up in ages. Or, perhaps it’s something that you feel guilty making time for, like sketching.
Understand that doing something for you is always important. It replaces bad feelings with good feelings and can help you to feel more refreshed and ready to take on the world.
Showcasing the Best of You
When you do something you like, your whole body language changes. You open up, your shoulders rise, you become more energetic, you smile, etc. This is the type of energy that draws people to you.
So, join a group that does your fun thing. Let’s say you join a hiking group. Even if there isn’t somebody in that group that you would want to date, everyone has siblings, coworkers and friends.
If you are this fun, energetic person, they are going to say to their friends, “Oh man, you need to meet Jordan! She is this fun, dynamic, exciting person! I think you guys would really hit it off.”
Now you have a whole group on your side, wanting to help you find love.
For Someone to be Interested, You Must Be Interesting
Another side effect off reconnecting with fun, is that you become a much more interesting person.
If you are at a party and someone asks what you did with your weekend and all you have to offer is, “I hung out at home, cleaned and watched some Netflix,” they are going to turn away and look for someone else.
But, what if you could offer this: “Oh, Saturday morning I met my sister for coffee, then went for a walk and met my friends out later for drinks. Sunday, I slept in and then worked on ____(insert hobby here)____.” You are going to sound incredibly interesting and thus, create interest in you.
This is not to say that you need to turn into someone frivolous or ignore the serious aspects of your life. It is that you need to take a conscious effort to have fun and not just hope that it comes around in the course of your life.
The more good and fun you have inside, the more you can offer up socially or on a date. What do you have to lose?
Hunt Ethridge is a Hoboken-based dating consultant and a fashion writer. Currently, he is the Senior Dating Coach at New York Dating Coach (www.newyorkdatingcoach.com).